


Karkat: Receive Diagnosis

by whittler_of_words



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Developing Relationship, Dissociative Identity Disorder, F/F, Humanstuck, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mental Illness, Multi, Multiple Personalities, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychological Trauma, Stabdads, rose is the first to get her shit sorted out as per usual
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-11
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2017-12-26 06:38:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 39,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/962770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whittler_of_words/pseuds/whittler_of_words
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you think something might be wrong with you.</p><p>You're not sure exactly when it started. It was little things, at first, things that happened to everybody except they happened to you a lot more. Picking things up without remembering why, walking into rooms without even realizing it. Saying one thing when you meant to say another. Little things. But you've noticed that now it's not so easy to play off any more.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>--</p><p>Karkat has DID. The other Trolls are his alters. Things continue from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Read Transcript

**Author's Note:**

> Please read this before continuing on with the story!
> 
> In no way am i trying to make light or mock DID! This is all almost guaranteed to be completely inaccurate when it comes to people with this disorder (god i'm probably so off on most of this i might as well be in a different universe), so please don't use this as an actual example AT ALL. I'm sorry if this offends you because that's really not what i'm trying to do with this at all, and if you tell me what i need to change to make this better/not as bad then i will almost definitely change it next time i get the chance! But if you just go on about "it insults me" i'll feel bad but i probably won't take it down. I've been beating myself up about whether i should really post this or not so you might not even see this anyway.
> 
> In the end this is just (really bad) ficticious literature. So yeah once again not trying to offend/mock anyone, or make this all seem like it's a fun and dandy thing to have. Idk maybe for some people it is but i doubt it 
> 
> And with that out of the way! I thought this would be a really interesting AU so i rolled with it. If you have a better name for this PLEASE let me know!
> 
> In any case I hope you enjoy reading this, and if you have any questions/comments/concerns, please don't be afraid to ask.
> 
> Although if you have any questions about DID I suggest you go to another source

The following is a confidential transcript of a recorded session between Dr. Vasques and patient Karkat Vantas – 05/22/13

 

_Dr. Vasques: Okay, I've started the recording now. Will you please state your name and date of birth?_

_Karkat Vantas: Karkat Vantas, June twelfth, nineteen ninety-six._

_DV: Good. You understand what we're doing here?_

_KV: I'm not a fucking idiot, we've talked about this at least five times already. Let's just get this over with._

_DV: Alrighty, then._

_DV: My name is Alyssa Vasques. I'm a psychiatrist who's been working with Karkat for the past couple of days since the previous incident. It would be extremely helpful if I could talk to whoever's willing._

_KV: I don't think this is-_

_DV: Karkat?_

_??: Nice to meet you, Dr. Vasques._

_DV: Oh? And who am I speaking to?_ [papers shuffling]

_AM: My name is Aradia Megido. It's a pleasure to talk with you._

_DV: Likewise. Are there any others, besides you? And how aware is Karkat at the moment?_

_AM: Yes. Eleven, including me. And Karkat is is still present._

_DV: I see. And why did you decide to come forward today?_

_AM: It was a general consensus that I would be the best option in this situation. I seem to be the most clear-headed of our group, along with Kanaya._

_DV: Kanaya?_

_AM: Yes. She acts as the mediator most of the time, almost motherly. It's thanks to her that this is the first time Gamzee was able to get out. Karkat would undoubtedly be in a lot more trouble than he is now if he had before._

_DV: Gamzee would be... the one who hurt that boy? Is he particularly violent?_

_AM: Correct, although he's usually more amicable. He does have his... outbursts, to say the least, but he usually has Karkat in mind._

_DV: Could I talk to him? Is he willing?_

_AM: ..._

_AM: He seems open to it. I would suggest you have someone ready to restrain him. He can get unpredictable._

_DV: Already done._

_AM: ..._

_??: Hey, motherfuckers._

_DV: You would be Gamzee?_

_GM: Hell yeah, Gamzee Makara. This shit here, gettin' to be out, it's like a mother fuckin' miracle, sister._

_DV: I could imagine. If you don't mind me asking, why did you do what you did to that boy?_

_GM: Fucker didn't know what he was talking about, had to set him straight. I had to make him understand. Had to make him_ see _._

_DV: Understand? Understand what?_

_GM: He was talking about_ that time _, mother fucker. We don't ever talk about_ that _time. It be sacrilegious._

_DV: I'm just taking a guess here, but would that be the murder-_

_GM: What did I just. Mother fucking._ SAY _. We_ DON'T TALK _. About. That. Time. ___

_DV: I think it's important that we talk about it._

_GM: You bitch. If you undo all I've done to keep my bro safe-_

[sounds of a scuffle, patient being restrained]

_GM: I'll paint the walls with your BLOOD, I'll flay you with your own teeth until you're open wide for everyone to see, you'll be_ screaming _for my mother fucking mercy-_

[noise suddenly stops]

_??: I am extremely sorry about that You can let go now, I assure you I mean no harm._

_DV: It's okay, Mr. Detram, let them go. And you would be...?_

_KM: Kanaya Maryam. Again, I apologize for Gamzee's behaviour. He can become very protective, but his heart is in the right place._

_DV: It's no problem. If anything, it's my fault for pushing at it so early on. Aradia mentioned you're something of the maternal figure?_

_KM: Yes, I suppose you can say that. I have been trying to keep everyone quiet since the... incident, to keep something precisely like this from happening. It has worked fairly well until Gamzee managed to push past me. Of course it did not help that Terezi was egging him on._

_DV: Terezi?_

_KM: She has a strange sense of justice. In her opinion, that boy got exactly what he deserved. Most of us agree, in theory, at least, but we never intended to end up in a situation like this._

_DV: From what I've gathered, you seem to be the one who knows how to handle everyone best, if I can presume to say so. I was hoping to have us all under a mutual understanding for Karkat's benefit by the end of this appointment. Do you think you'd be able to work with me on this?_

_KM: Yes, of course. We have our own terms as well._

_DV: No problem. Let's get this out of the way, shall we?_

///

KV: [groans] _That was fucking... I don't even know what that was._

_DV: I know this must be extremely strange for you, Karkat. I don't know what I'd do if I was in your position._

_KV: I don't need your fucking pity._

_DV: Fair enough. Do you at least have an idea for what you have to expect?_

_KV: Yeah, I guess. It's just, It's weird as hell feeling and seeing but not being able to control anything. And what even are they? Are they me? Are they different people? What the hell am I supposed to do with all of this?_

_DV: You're touching on decades of moral debate when you ask those questions. In the end, it's something for you and your alters to decide together._

_KV: Whatever. It could be worse. They could all be total douchebags. Or_ I _could be – fucking hell this is confusing as shit._

_DV: Remember, there's only been actual contact with only three of them, we don't know what the other eight are like._

_KV: With my luck I'll get some hipster shitstain-_

_KV: Oh fuck no. Hell fucking no._

_DV: Karkat?_

_KV: No. I did not sign up for this. This can not be happening._

_DV: What's wrong? Is this still Karkat I'm talking to?_

_KV: Yes, just, fuck. That, co-concious thing or whatever you called it. It's like, in reverse right now. I just, there's an_ actual hipster shitstain _yelling at me in my head, jesus fuck someone kill me now. No._ No _. You go back to the thrift shop you crawwled out of, fuck off, oh my god he's giving me the_ accent?!

_DV: Karkat, calm down. Yes, sometimes speech can be affected when an alter is co-concious. Maybe if you ask him he'll stop. ___

_KV: Oh thank fuck, I think Kanaya pulled him back. I'm liking this chick more and more. Oh no._

_DV: Hm?_

_KV: God, she says I owe her one for later. Owe her one_ what _? What do I owe her? If anything she should be paying me rent for giving her a decent meat suit!_

_DV: Karkat, our time is almost up. I'm sure she_

End of transcript.


	2. Get Your Shit Flipped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hey look a second chapter

14 days earlier

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you think something might be wrong with you.

This wouldn't be anything new, of course. Just one more thing to add to the fuck-up that is your spectacular existence. You wouldn't be adding it just now, though. This has been going on for a while, a little bit longer than you can remember, if that makes sense. Yep, totally does, you go Vantas, master of linguistics, you.

You're not sure exactly when it started. It was little things, at first, things that happened to everybody except they happened to you a lot more. Picking things up without remembering why, walking into rooms without even realizing it. Saying one thing when you meant to say another. Little things. But you've noticed that now it's not so easy to play off any more.

Sometimes, when walking home from school, you end up at home or the park or the store with no idea how you got there. You go to sleep at night and end wake up in the morning in a completely different part of the house, or sometimes even in the middle of walking through the hallway. You have more than one chunk of memory missing, a black hole that varies in size and length every time and makes you nervous when you can't fill it in. Even just last night you woke up playing a video game you're pretty sure you hate with a perfect score where you'd normally be eating shit. You're maybe thinking it might not be such a little thing.

_Fuck._

You've considered talking to Jack about it. The guy's supposed to be looking out for you after all, official "guardian" and shit. You think about it, but don't do it. You're pretty sure that he has his hands full with a particular business that he refuses to tell you about (well isn't that suspicious) and you'll be damned if you have to make yourself even more of a nuisance than you know you already are. You got dumped on the guy when you were four, for christ's sake, and right when he was still dealing with-

Nope. You don't think about it. You don't think about _that_ time. Not when you get ready for school, not when you push through the same boring old classes, not when the local bad-boy bully Michael Evans stops you at lunch.

Not. At. All.

He sneers at you, a smug smile on his lips that you're tempted to wipe off his face with a particularly angled right hook. You're seriously contemplating it when he starts to speak, his voice grating on your eardrums. 

"How's life at home, Vantas? Did you sleep well? Eat all your veggies?" Seriously, where the fuck is he going with this? You run over a number of insults in your mind, each a colorful variant of _fuck off_ , but while you've by some miracle been lucky enough to avoid being bullied, you know from observing that saying something back is only fuel to the fire. You don't say a word. A few students are glancing your way but you ignore them. "Me, I've been having some problems. See, the economy isn't what it used to be, what with the recession and all. But, hey, I'm a trooper, right? I'll live." Keep going, really, this is great. "But a man's gotta have his toys. I been saving up for a new game, but I just can't seem to reach my end goal. What do you say you help a brother out and fork over some cash, nice and easy like. We don't need any trouble now, do we?" Ah, there it is. You consider handing over the ten dollars in your pocket, just to see his face before you walk off. But fuck you if you'll give this asswipe what he wants, and you were planning on using it for something else anyway. You attempt to push past him, but he puts his hands on your chest and shoves you back. More students look your way, catching the scent of a fight.

You turn around to walk the other way, but his hands are grasping the edge of your collar and he jerks you back, hard enough to make you gag. You hear his snide laugh over the sound of your coughing, and when you turn back to face him the smug smile is as wide as ever. You almost gag for a different reason. 

"Hey hey hey, what did I say now? I said I was willing to do this nice and easy, no need to get all snippity about it. I'm sure you want to keep all of your teeth, right? So hand over the dough and we'll go our seperate ways." Okay, now this is just getting ridiculous. You need to leave. Okay, there's the shoving again. God damn it. "I know you got cash, Vantas, we all know your uncle has got some serious spending money. Now stop fucking around and hand it over." God, you can't do this anymore. This is all too cliche, being bullied into handing over your lunch money. 

"Fuck off," you tell him, now aware of the crowd you've started to draw with this scene. You try one more time, but you already know it's useless; this guy wants his money or a fight. "I said, fuck off!" He laughs at that, wiping away a fake tear at his eye.

"Oooh, is the widdle baby scared? Does he want his mommy and daddy? Too bad you don't have either of those now, don't you, Vantas?" 

Your blood runs cold as you definitely, _do not_ , think of that time. You chuckle under your breath as you crack your knuckles – wait, what? - and your voice comes out sounding not at all like your own.

"You shouldn't have said that, mother fucker." And you seriously are _not thinking of that time_ because right now you are-

 

-you're hanging limply where someone – no, two people – are holding you back by your arms, your breath coming heavy. Wait, holding you back?

"What the fuck is wrong with you kid? Holy shit." You snap open your eyes which you hadn't realized were closed. When did they close? You see pretty much every kid in the school staring back at you in shock, and a noise to your right grabs your attention and you see Michael Evans being loaded into an ambulance on a stretcher.

Wait, what?

"What the fuck, who are you? What the hell happened, fucking- let go of me!" You try to tug out of their grip but they only tighten their hold, pulling you back until you're shoved against a car. 

A police car.

Holy shit.

"Hey, I didn't do anything, tell me what the hell is going on!" 

"You got to be kidding me." One of the officers deadpans, yanking an arm out so you can see that it's-

covered in blood. You look down at your shirt to see that it, yep, that's also covered in blood. Lots of blood. Your knees feel weak.

"Holy shit. Holy shit. What the- how-" You look up at him then, and you're pretty sure he can see fear and confusion in your eyes. "I, I don't, what happened?" Yep, there goes your voice, all shaky and yeah you really don't care about that right now. The officers exchange a confused look before looking back at you.

"Do you seriously not remember?"

"No, I'm just fucking with you because I enjoy being covered in someone else's blood, now tell me what fucking happened!" Well, at least you can still go with the insults and sarcasm. Except that this might not be the best time for that right now. One of the officers must pity you, though, because he starts to speak.

"Christ, kid, we got a call from the school about a fight they couldn't break up. We ran over here to see you whaling on that kid like you were out for murder." You wince at the word 'murder', but he either doesn't notice or doesn't care. "It took both of us to pull you off of him, and he's going to be in the hospital for at least a couple months. You started screaming at everybody before you just gave out." You feel yourself pale.

"I think I need to sit down." Yeah, maybe not such a little thing.

///

"If you don't do this, best case you get a lawsuit. Worst case you go to Juvie, and I don't think we need to talk about why that's a bad thing." You grumble in your seat at the fancy lawyer Jack appointed you as soon as he found out the whole story of what happened. You knew you didn't really have a choice, but damn it if you won't make it harder for him first.

"I need your full cooperation here, or all of Mr. Noir's money goes to waste. Are you in, or are you out?" You sigh, letting your exasperation show in full. God damn did this guy know where to hit. At least this means he's good at his job. 

"Fine. I _guess_ I'll not go to jail or get sued or whatever the fuck else." The lawyer – Mr. Kurt if you remember right – grimaces at your use of language, but seems to accept it. Within the week you find yourself in the seat of a proper shrink, trying not to show your discomfort as she looks over you folder. You don't know why she's doing this now, she probably went full native into your medical history before you arrived. You bite back a sigh of frustration as she asks the same question that's been repeated to you over and over all week.

"How much do you remember leading up to the fight?"

"He stopped me in the quad, demanding my lunch money. When I didn't give it to him, he started getting more physical. Then he mentioned my parents," Nope, not thinking about it, "And that's when things cut off." 

"Is that all?" No. You've been thinking the next part over in your mind since you realized it, and every time it made you just a bit queasy in the stomach. 

"Uh, no. Right before I blacked out, it felt like I wasn't, in control of my body? I cracked my knuckles without trying to, and then I said something. It was my voice, but it didn't sound like me. Deeper. Off, somehow." You shift in your seat when her gaze snaps up to you, before rifling through the papers on the clipboard.

"Have you ever blacked out and woken up in a strange place? Lost gaps of memory you can't account for?" 

"Uh." You blink at her in surprise before you remember she was asking a question. "Yeah, how did you know?" She puts the folder on the desk, leaning forward to look you in the eyes, her eyes soft as she continued.

"It's too early for me to be sure, but I believe you suffer from something called Dissociative Identity Disorder. It's usually triggered by an early childhood trauma," Nope. "And what happens is that your personality basically fragments to help you cope. This causes what most people call "alters" to appear, basically creating the phenomenon of more than one people living inside your mind. The number of alters has ranged anywhere from two up to the thousands." You blink again.

"How can I know for sure?" You ask, trying not to sound as dumbstruck as you felt.

"There's multiple methods we can try. Usually people turn to hypnosis to coax the alters out, but I would suggest we just try to see if they're willing to hold a conversation first."

"What, like, right now?" She chuckles, adjusting her glasses before opening a small book.

"No, not quite. I want someone strong enough to subdue you if the same character as before pops up, and as much as I wish otherwise, today I just don't have the time. Would next Thursday at two be good for you?"

"Uh, sure," You say weakly, trying to keep up with what she's saying. Ok, seriously, what the fuck is she talking about? Alters? Other people in your brain?

"Wait, if you're right about this, why didn't I do something like this before?" Dr. Vasques taps a pen against her chin thoughtfully before answering.

"It's possible that your symptoms didn't manifest until much later, or your alters didn't feel like revealing themselves directly to you. There's been plenty of cases before where the symptoms have simply been dismissed because they were chalked up to childhood imagination. It's not a for sure deal, in truth there's not much known about what causes it and why it happens, and there's no proven treatment. If I'm right, we can only hope your alters are cooperative and willing. Otherwise this can drag out for a while." She glances at the watch on her wrist before rising up to shake your hand, a genuine smile on her face. "See you on Thursday, Karkat." You nod, walking out of the door to her office not exactly knowing what to do with yourself. Jack stood up when he saw you, the scar that ran over his eye crinkling as he squinted with concern.

"Fucking shrinks." He nods. You get the sudden urge that you two understand each other.

///

It's been a couple of visits with Dr. Vasques since "First Contact", as you so fondly call it. Eventually, you get through all eleven alters, still feeling pretty fucking weird as you take back seat in lieu of control of your body, Kanaya soothing you as whoever it was at the wheel snarked at Dr. Vasques. You don't think you'll ever get used to that feeling,or the disorientation you get when you transition into the next alter, but it's become easier and easier to slip in and out, and you can see that thought becoming a lie real fucking fast. You stretch after Blind Justice and Cat Weaboo (how the fuck did that happen, you only watched one anime like, ever) leave you to yourself, Dr. Vasques nodding to her charts.

"I've been taking notes on their behaviors, and I've noticed a pattern. Each one seems to represent a different facet of a certain emotion. For example – and excuse me for this, boys – Eridan would be your narcissism and ego, while Tavros represents your insecurities and doubts, although they still aren't so cut and clear." You feel two separate responses in your head, allowing the stuttered "N-none taken," to pass your lips instead of the pitiful insults the other guy was racking up. Dr. Vasques smiles at that, leaning over her desk much the same way she did the first time you came.

"I've gathered enough evidence to prove that you weren't in control of your thoughts or movements at the time of the fight. This should be enough to get all charges dropped." You sigh in relief at that, and you realize how ironic it is that you're glad you're pretty much insane. As long as you get away without having to pay for that jerk's medical bills, right? You're about to stand up to leave when she shakes her head, and you sit down after a moment, confused.

"Karkat, it's extremely important that you don't cut off human contact. I know it'll be difficult to adjust and be able to go outside comfortably for a while, but being alone will only harm you." She scribbled on a paper as she continued, moving too fast for you to see. "I know this may sound strange, but hear me out. I suggest that you start a blog recording your experiences and possibly answering questions. There's a chance you'll probably come into contact with someone in the same situation as you. Even if it does have it's bigots, this site is generally very open minded." She hands you the paper with a flourish, and you almost roll your eyes at the url. You should have known this is what she was talking about. 

You try to feign indifference as you slouch out of her office, but you can tell from the glint in her eyes that she knows she has you hooked. You set up the tumblr account and email her the link as soon as you get home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hey look it's over


	3. Event Horizon, and Tumblr is the Black Hole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Tumblr posts will have that line in front of them, just so y'know.

> OK, LISTEN UP YOU FUCKERS. GATHER AROUND AND LET ME TELL YOU A STORY. A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO I ENDED UP BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF A GUY AT MY SCHOOL (LONG STORY SHORT HE DESERVED IT) AND I DIDN'T REMEMBER DOING IT FOR SHIT. TURNS OUT MY LITTLE MEMORY GAPS OVER THE YEARS WERE ACTUALLY SOMETHING FUCKING IMPORTANT, BUT I WAS TOO STUPID TO REALIZE IT. TURNS OUT NOW THAT I GOT A LEGIT FUCKING DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER AND NOW LIFE IS AWESOME. AND BY AWESOME I MEAN REALLY INTERESTING IN ALL THE WRONG WAYS. FOR ALL OF YOU SHITSPONGES THAT DON'T KNOW WHAT DID ACTUALLY IS, I GOT SOME WORDS FOR YOU. GOOGLE. IS. YOUR. FRIEND. I'M NOT GOING TO BABYSIT YOU THROUGH THIS SHIT.
> 
> MY PSYCHOLOGIST OR WHATEVER THE HELL SHE IS NOW SAID IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR ME TO KEEP SOME SEMBLANCE OF HUMAN CONTACT, AND BULLIED ME INTO MAKING THIS ACCOUNT. SO NOW YOU ALL GET TO WITNESS FIRST-HAND THE SPECTACULAR FUCK-UP THAT IS MY CAPTIVATING EXISTENCE. BUT FIRST, I'VE GOT SOME THINGS TO SORT OUT.
> 
> ONE. I'M BEING FUCKING SERIOUS HERE. THIS IS NO JOKE, NO PRANK, OR WHATEVER THE HELL SICK SHIT YOU'RE INTO. THIS IS ME ACTUALLY BEING HONEST FOR ONCE. HONEST BEHIND A SCREEN, YEAH, BUT STILL, YOU SHOULD BE HONORED. SO TRY TO HAVE SOME RESPECT HERE. I'M A DELICATE FLOWER.
> 
> TWO. I HAVE ELEVEN ALTERS IN TOTAL, EACH WITH THEIR OWN NAMES AND PERSONALITIES AND ALL THAT SHIT. THIS IS A NOTICE CLAIMING ZERO RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY DO WHEN THEY'RE ON THIS BLACK HOLE OF A SITE. SO IF THEY SAY SOMETHING YOU DON'T LIKE, DON'T COME TO ME BECAUSE I WON'T GIVE A FUCK.
> 
> THREE. YES, THIS CAPS LOCK IS ACTUALLY FUCKING NECESSARY. I HATE TO BE THAT DOUCHEBAG, BUT IT HELPS DEFFERENTIATE ME FROM THE REST OF THEM. YOU'LL SEE WHAT I MEAN IN A MINUTE. SO PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY PANTIES AND DEAL WITH IT.
> 
> FOUR. YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND ASK WHATEVER STUPID QUESTIONS YOU WANT, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. BE WARNED THAT THERE'S A CHANCE I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO ANSWER THEM, SEEING AS HOW I'VE ONLY ACTUALLY BEEN IN CONTACT WITH MY ALTERS FOR ABOUT TWO WEEKS. AND ON THAT NOTE, IF ANYONE ELSE WITH MORE EXPERIENCE WITH THIS SHIT WANTS TO TALK, HIT ME UP. WHICH BRINGS ME TO POINT FIVE.
> 
> YOU KNOW THAT CHAT CLIENT? PESTERCHUM? OF COURSE YOU DO. MY CHUM HANDLE IS THE SAME AS MY URL, SO IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO CHAT TO ME MORE DIRECTLY AND WITH LESS OF A CHANCE OF YOUR MESSAGE BEING DEVOURED, NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN, GO AHEAD AND TALK TO ME THERE.
> 
> AND SIX. I PROMISE THIS IS THE LAST ONE. I'LL LET EACH OF MY ALTERS INTRODUCE THEMSELVES IF THEY WANT, WHICH SOME OF THEM ARE ACTUALLY PRETTY FUCKING EXCITED ABOUT. I MAY OR MAY NOT INCLUDE COMMENTARY OF MY OWN IF I CAN EDGE IT IN. 
> 
> OK, THAT'S IT. HAVE FUN POKING AT ME LIKE I'M THE DEAD BODY YOU JUST FOUND FLOATING IN THE CREEK OUT IN THE BACK. I'M SURE IT'LL BE FUN FOR BOTH OF US. AND JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR ON WHO IS WHO ON THIS SHIT BLOG, MY NAME IS KARKAT. YEAH, LAUGH. GO AHEAD. IT'S REALLY HILARIOUS.

______

> Hell0. My name is aradia megid0. T0 say the thruth, i d0nt have very many interests. I d0 sometimes enj0y talking ab0ut the afterlife, and arche0l0gy h0lds a vague interest f0r me. Ive been t0ld i can be blunt at times, alth0ugh i d0nt really see h0w. Im not g00d at h0lding c0nversati0ns, so ill let vriska 0n.

______

> Heeeeeeeey!!!!!!!! The name's Vriska Serket, 8et you already figured that out from ghost girl 8ack there. I swear, she steals all the fun! :::;) I'm sure you're just dyyyyyyyying to know all a8out me, huh? Pirates are 8ad ass, they get all the treasure!!!!!!!! spiders are 8itchin, those we8bs they make? So gr8 ::::) I guess i have a 8it of a gam8ling pro8lem, 8ut really who gives a fuck! Definitely not me :::;)

_______

> the name is eridan ampora. Better fuckin learn it real quick if you knoww wwhats good for you. If you really wwant to knoww wwhere its at youll skip straight past the other losers and come to me. Maybe wwe can get to knoww each other a little better, talk about harry potter or marine life. Im a hipster an fuckin proud of it, i swwing both wways an got a wwavvy accent to boot ;)
> 
> FUCK THIS GUY. THIS GUY IS A FUCKING DOUCHEBAG SHITSTAIN ON MY BRAIN. IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR FAITH IN HUMANITY YOU WON'T TOUCH THIS WITH A TWENTY FOOT POLE. BECAUSE THEN YOU WOULD BE TOUCHING ME AND WOW THAT WOULD BE EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF OK. LIKE, REALLY.
> 
> Oh fuck off kar
> 
> LOOK WHO'S TALKING, "HIPSTER AND PROUD OF IT".
> 
> Wwhat, you got a problem wwith that?
> 
> NORMALLY NO, BUT I'LL GET A PROBLEM WITH IT JUST TO SPITE YOU.
> 
> Boys. Not While We Have Company. Isn't This Supposed To Be Productive?
> 
> YES MOM
> 
> fuckin god kan way to butt in
> 
> Thank You.

______

> uH, hI, mY NAME IS TAVROS. nITRAM. UM, i'M NOT, rEALLY SURE WHAT TO SAY, eXCEPT THAT I HOPE WE CAN BE FRIENDS, aND, bE NICE TO EACH OTHER? I GUESS I LIKE, bULLS, aND, pETER PAN IS PRETTY COOL, 
> 
> Oh come ooooooon, you're telling them THAT? Laaaaaaaame ::::l
> 
> vRISKA, tHAT'S, nOT NICE, aND I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD APOLOGIZE.
> 
> N8pe :::;)
> 
> UH, oK. I GUESS THAT'S IT FOR ME, tHEN. HAVE, uM, a GOOD DAY.
> 
> OK, IF I FIND OUT ANY OF YOU FUCKERS TRY TO HURT THIS GUY, I'M SICKING GAMZEE AFTER YOU. THAT INCLUDES YOU TOO, SERKET.
> 
> Yaaaaaaaawn.

_____

> D --> My name is Equius Zahhak. It would be e%tremely appreciated if you do not engage in 100d language in my presence. I command that you do not e%hibit any of your offensive speech patterns while I am here. I've been cursed with STRENGTH, and my e%ceptional STRONGNESS is one of the more noticeable things about me, and I find it to be c001 if not sometimes annoying. I enjoy archery, very much. Um. I need a towel.
> 
> GOD DAMN IT EQUIUS WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO SWEAT SO MUCH. 
> 
> D --> I'm sorry. Please order me to stop, if you wish. I order you to order me to stop.
> 
> FUCK NO I AM NOT ENGAGING IN ANY OF YOUR WEIRD KINKS GOD DAMN IT I REFUSE.

____

> hey, 2up. Call me 2ollux captor, 2eeiing as how that'2 my name. Ii'm pretty iinto computter2, and no one can tell me that honey iis not the god damn nectar of the god2. Bee'2 are pretty cool two, ii guess. Red and blue are my favoriite color2, ii 2ort of got thiis thiing for dualiity, iin case you couldn't fuckiing tell. Ii fuckiing kiick ass at viideo games.
> 
> WAIT, WERE YOU THE ONE WHO ENDED UP GETTING ME PLAYING XBOX AT TWO IN THE GOD DAMN MORNING A COUPLE WEEKS AGO, WHEN I STILL HAD NO IDEA THAT THIS SHIT WAS A THING? THAT WAS FUCKING YOU, WASN'T IT?
> 
> Oh, uh, yeah. 2orry about that kk. Iit just get2 fuckiing boriing when you have nothiing to do except liisten to the other voiice2 that share your head space, especiially when one of them iis ampora.
> 
> I CAN RELATE TO THAT SO FUCKING HARD, GOD. HOW ABOUT ONCE WE GET DONE WITH ALL THIS YOU GET A SOLID HOUR OR HOWEVER LONG I CAN MANAGE UNTIL I WANT TO TEAR MY HAIR OUT WITH THE CONSOLE?
> 
> fuck. ye2.

___

> H3H3H3H3. TH1S BLU3 COLOR IS SO D3L1C1OUS. L1K3 A D4RK BLU3 R4ASPB3RRY. 1 DON'T KNOW HOW K4RKL3S K33PS H1MS3LF FROM T4ST1NG TH3 SCR33N 4LL TH3 T1M3. 1T WOULD B3 B3TTER 1F 1T W4S R3D THOUGH, L1K3 C4NDY. SW33T, R3D, CH3RRY C4NDY. 1 TH1NK TH3 L4W 1S PR3TTY GR34T, L1KE, SUP3R GR34T! OH 4ND 4LSO 1 4M BL1ND. >:]
> 
> GREAT, TEREZI, NOW THAT I HAVE SLOBBER ALL OVER MY SCREEN IT'S ALL SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER. 
> 
> YOU'R3 W3LCOM3 >:]
> 
> GOD DAMN IT PYROPE. 

____

> Hello. My Name Is Kanaya Maryam. I Did Not Have A Chance To Introduce Myself BeforeWhen I Was Pacifying The Two Boys Earlier. I Like To Think That I Have Good Taste In Fashion, And I Enjoy Reading Classic Literature And Poetry. I Also Very Much Enjoy Sunlight, Although I Do Not Get The Chance To Be Able To Really Feel It Often.
> 
> WELL, SHIT, KANAYA. NOW YOU GOT ME FEELING GUILTY. 
> 
> It Is Not A Problem, I Assure You.
> 
> I'M NOT HEARING IT. YOU'RE GOING OUT TOMORROW WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. AND YOU WILL, SO THAT'S FINAL.
> 
> Thank You. I Believe Now Would Be A Good Time For Me To Say My Goodbyes.

___

> HeY mOtHeRfUcKeRs :o) My MoThErFuCkIn NaMe Is GaMzEe MaKaRa. HaVe YoU eVeR jUsT lOoKeD aRoUnD yOu To ApPrEcIaTe ThE mIrAcLeS? ThE wAy ThInGs JuSt CoNnEcT aNd FaLl InTo PlAcE? ShIt Be HaPpEnNiNg AlL aRoUnD uS aNd We NeVeR tAkE a MoMeNt To ThInK aBoUt LiFe :o0 honk
> 
> OK YOU SEE THIS STONED MOTHER FUCKER RIGHT HERE? DO NOT MESS WITH HIM. AND WHEN I SAY MESS WITH HIM I MEAN MESS WITH ME. THE KID HE BEAT UP IS STILL IN THE HOSPITAL AND I ALMOST GOT SENT TO JUVIE. SO. YEAH. PLEASE DON'T FUCK WITH HIM
> 
> ;o)

____

> *nepeta pads up cautiously, sniffing at the air * * nepeta purrs out a hello * * nepeta says she likes cats and anime a lot*
> 
> GEEZUS FUCKING CHRIST I SWEAR I ONLY EVER WATCHED ONE. HOW DID YOU EVEN GET TO BE A THING?
> 
> *nepeta prods at karkitty with an inquissitive paw *
> 
> UGH FINE. *KARKAT ASKS NEPETA TO PLEASE STOP ROLEPLAYING AND TALK. *
> 
> Oh! :33 Sorry! I just saw a computer and got caught up in the moment x33 
> 
> IT'S FINE, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
> 
> Yay! :DD can we rp again latepurr karkitty?? Pawease pawease pawease pawease paweaaase????
> 
> UUUUGH FINE. BUT NOT WITH ME. YOU'RE GOING ON SOME RANDOM RP SITE. I HOPE FOR YOUR SAKE IT'LL BE KID FRIENDLY.
> 
> *nepeta jumps into the air hapurrly before kissing karkitty on the cheek :33 *

____

> )(i!!! My name is Feferi Piexes!!! I R----EELLY LIK—E sea t)(ings and fis)(!!!! Sometimes I t)(ink I get excited R—E--ELY -EASILY but It's ok ^_^ Sometimes I pike to pretend I'm on the beac)( and the waves are around me and it's nice!!! I think cuttlefis)(are reely cute, wit)-( their little tentacles and all floppy around! Sometimes t)(ey even go t)(ese reely PR—ETTY colors and I get all )(appy!!! 38D I also want to run a wildlife R-ESCU-E to save all t)(e baby animals 38)
> 
>  
> 
> AND THAT'S IT. THAT'S THE SHOW. STICK AROUND IF YOU WANT, OR LEAVE, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. THERE ARE NO FUCKS TO GIVE. SEE YA LOSERS, THERE'S SOME VIDEO GAMES CALLING SOLLUX'S NAME.

///

> LET IT BE SAID THAT SOLLUX CAN KICK MY ASS AT EVERY GAME I OWN. SO, I CAN KICK MY ASS AT EVERY GAME I – YEAH, TIME TO ANSWER QUESTIONS NOW.

Anonymous asked: what would gamzee "do" if someone messes with you?

SlIt ThEiR tHrOaT aNd TeAr ThEiR eYeS oUt Of ThEiR sOcKeTs :o) honk

 

Anonymous asked: haha you like dresses and reading you faggot

OH LOOK, MY FIRST ANON HATE, ISN'T THAT SWEET? GO FUCK YOURSELF.

 

poopdedoop asked: dont want to bother you, but what does it feel like to trasition between alters?

THAT'S ACTUALLY A PRETTY GOOD QUESTION. IT VARIES A BIT, ESPECIALLY AFTER LONG CHAINS OF TRANSITIONING, LIKE I DID LAST NIGHT. IT'S NORMALLY NOT TOO BAD, JUST A BIT DISORIENTATING, I GUESS SINCE WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE, BUT BEFORE I WOULD ALWAYS GET THESE REALLY BAD HEADACHES AFTER I BLACKED OUT. SAME THING HAPPENED AFTER GAMZEE TOOK THE REIGNS FROM ME BACK THEN.

SoRrY aBoUt ThAt BrO :o(

HEY, NO PROBLEM. I'M JUST GLAD TO SEE THAT FUCKER ISN'T BUMMING OFF OF OTHER KIDS LUNCH MONEY.

 

Anonymous asked: what's with all the weird names

I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, I DIDN'T GIVE THEM TO THEM. THAT'S JUST WHAT THEY'RE CALLED. I DON'T GET MOST OF THEM EITHER TO BE HONEST.

 

Siriuslyblack asked: how hard was it to adjust to the sudden change in lifestyle, if you don't mind me asking?

NOT TOO BAD, ACTUALLY. I DIDN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS TO BEGIN WITH, SO IT'S NOT LIKE I'M SUDDENLY LONELY OR ANYTHING. ALL OF MY ALTERS HAVE BEEN PRETTY COOL WITH RESPECTING MY HEAD SPACE, EXCEPT ERIDAN KEEPS WHINING ABOUT WANTING TO FIND SOME BLOGS TO FOLLOW. ACTUALLY, I BETTER GET KANAYA THAT SUNLIGHT I PROMISED HER. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

 

TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] - - 

TG: sup  
CG: WHO ARE YOU?  
TG: the names dave  
TG: found your blog yesterday  
CG: ...  
CG: AND?  
TG: also i go to the same school you go to  
TG: or went to i guess  
TG: i saw the fight btw  
TG: so that was gamzee huh  
TG: remind me never to get on his bad side  
TG: or your bad side  
TG: eh whatever same fucking thing i guess  
CG: OK, WHAT DO YOU WANT?  
TG: come again  
CG: AS FAR AS I CAN TELL THIS CONVERSATION IS GOING NOWHERE EXCEPT YOU GAWKING AT THE GUY WHO BEAT YOUR CLASSMATE HALF TO DEATH.  
CG: SO EITHER YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU REALLY CAME HERE FOR OR YOU FUCK OFF.  
CG: AND ALSO TEREZI WANTS ME TO TELL YOU THAT YOUR TEXT TASTES DELICIOUS AND PLEASE TALK MORE  
CG: TO WHICH I SAY PLEASE DON'T.  
TG: ok first of all you got me  
TG: second of all i have to agree, this color is fucking amazing  
TG: and third of all, fuck that other guy, hes a douchebag  
TG: i actually did contact you partly to see how youre doing  
TG: i mean we never actually talked but i could definitely feel something in the air when we passed each other in the halls.  
TG: also i have a sister who like thrives off of burrowing into other peoples bullshit and finding out what makes them tick  
TG: and if she finds out i was hiding you she would skewer me through the eyes with her sewing needles  
TG: and trust me, she would know. she always knows.  
TG: so i hope you dont mind that i already told her about you and youll get a message from her in like five seconds asking about how this all makes you feel and some psychobabble bullshit  
TG: im sorry man, i didnt mean for it to turn out this way  
CG: 1T'S OK, 1T'S FUN TO S33 H1M SQU1RM >:]  
CG: 4ND 1T'S WORTH 1T 1F 1 G3T TO K33P T4ST1NG TH1S C4NDY R3D  
TG: keep tasting all you want babe im here all night  
CG: OH MY GOD NO THIS NEEDS TO STOP HAPPENING.  
CG: THIS NEEDS TO STOP HAPPENING RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.  
CG: OH PLEASE GOD LET THAT BE YOUR SISTER.  
CG: 1'LL B3 B4CK L4T3R >;]  
CG: NOPE.\ 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TT]--

\--tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--

TT: Hello. I was looking through your blog and I was hoping you could answer a few questions for me directly.  
TT: I'm sure Dave has already warned you of my potential queries.  
CG: ONE OF MY ALTERS IS HITTING ON YOUR BROTHER PLEASE HELP.  
TT: Well.  
TT: I certainly did not expect that.   
TT: Would said alter be Terezi? The one I understand to have the nearing-fetishistic attraction to red, which is coincidentally the same color of text Dave uses.  
CG: YES. YES THAT WOULD BE THE ONE.  
CG: SHE KEEPS WANTING TO TALK TO HIM AGAIN BUT THAT IS A SLIPPERY SLOPE I AM NOT WILLING TO SLIDE DOWN.  
CG: I AM JUST GETTING USED TO SHARING MY HEAD I AM SURE AS HELL NOT GOING TO SHARE MY BODY.  
CG: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.  
TT: This brings to mind a question I wish to ask you.  
TT: Do you perceive your alters as seperate "people", with their own rights and all that this entails, or simply as part of you?  
CG: A MIX OF BOTH, I GUESS.  
CG: I MEAN IT HELPS SOMETIMES BY THINKING ABOUT THEM AS SEPERATE PEOPLE, BUT I KNOW TECHNICALLY THEY'RE NOT.  
CG: MY PSYCHIATRIST DID SAY SOMETHING ABOUT HOW THEY ALL SEEM TO REPRESENTS DIFFERENT FACETS OF MY OWN PERSONALITY, IF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE.  
CG: LIKE HOW TAVROS WOULD BE MY OWN LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE, AND INSECURITES.  
CG: AND ERIDAN WOULD BE MY NARCASSISM AND EGO COMING TO BITE ME IN THE ASS.  
CG: I HATE THAT GUY SO MUCH GOD YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.  
TT: And Equius might represent your idea of masculinity, of strength and power? And Terezi might even be your own moral compass, from the way she seems to be obsessed with law and justice.  
CG: Y3S!!! >:]  
CG: GOD DAMN IT PYROPE KNOCK BEFORE YOU ENTER.  
TT: And Kanaya would represent your own maternal instincts, or perhaps your own caring for those close to you, and your desire to care for others.  
CG: SPEAKING OF KANAYA, I THINK SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.  
TT: Oh?  
TT: Well then, by all means.  
CG: Salutations. I Do Not Believe I Quite Caught Your Name.  
TT: That would be because I didn't give it.  
CG: Of Course.  
TT: My mother had the gall to name me Rose, with Lalonde as as a surname of all things.  
CG: I Think Rose To Be A Lovely Name.  
TT: Most would think so. Knowing Mother's true intentions, however, tends to take away any illusion of elegance the name may give.  
CG: I See.  
TT: If it wouldn't be too forward of me to ask, Kanaya, how do you percieve yourself in the terms that I described to Karkat before?  
CG: To See Myself As Anything Other Than A Whole Person Can Seem At Times Strange. However, When You Only Have Limited Control Of An Actual Body, It Is An Easy Thought To Become Accustomed To.  
CG: ARE YOU TWO GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE TWISTED ETHICS OF SHARING THE SAME BODY ALL DAY?  
CG: Sush, Karkat, You Stayed Up All Night Letting Sollux Play His Games And You Have Had A Long Day, Besides. Perhaps You Should Get Some Rest.  
CG: I'M  
CG: There.  
CG: That Should Take Care Of Him For A Little While.  
CG: Now We Can Talk Without Being Watched.  
TT: What a relief.  
TT: I believe you mentioned you're into classic literature?

CG: ROSE.  
CG: ROSE.  
CG: GODDAMMIT ANSWER ME ROSE.  
CG: I'M NOT GOING AWAY UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU TWO TALKED ABOUT.  
CG: KANAYA DELETED THE LOG. NOW TELL WHAT YOU BIDDIES WERE GOSSIPING ABOUT.  
CG: IT'S MY BODY THAT TYPED THE WORDS, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW.  
TT: Ah, and yet it wasn't your mind that formed the thoughts, was it?  
CG: HOW DID I KNOW YOU WOULD TAKE THE BAIT?  
CG: JUST FUCKING TELL ME LALONDE, IT CAN'T BE THAT BIG OF A DEAL.  
CG: WHAT WAS THE OBJECT OF YOUR FIXATIONS?  
TT: If you truly wish to know, we talked at length about the various roles each one of you plays, and how you perfectly fit the charicature of rashness and anger, therefore completeing the circle.   
CG: ROSE, LISTEN TO ME.  
CG: I LIVE WITH A MAN WHO ENGAGES IN VARIOUS ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES THAT SHALL NOT BE DISCLOSED OVER AN INSECURE LINE, WHO THEN COMES HOME TO TELL ME ABOUT HIS USUAL DAY "AT THE OFFICE".   
CG: I CAN SMELL BULLSHIT FROM FARTHER AWAY THAN WHATEVER DARK DANK HOLE YOU RESIDE IN, SO PLEASE CUT THE CRAP.  
TT: Books.  
TT: We were trading books, among other things.  
CG: GREAT. SO NOW WE HAVE SCHOOL-GIRLS GETTING GIDDY OVER A BOOK CLUB, AS WELL AS TEREZI WANTING TO MACK ON DAVE THROUGH A SCREEN.  
TT: Are you perhaps so resistant to the latter because you're afraid of what it might infer on your own sexuality that an aspect of yourself is harboring romantic feelings towards a member of the same sex?  
CG: NO.  
TT: ...  
TT: Excuse me?  
CG: MY BAD, LET ME ELABORATE.  
CG: I HAVE NO QUALMS ABOUT AN ASPECT OF MYSELF HARBORING ROMANTIC FEELINGS TOWARDS A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX.  
CG: I COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK IF THE SAME THING HAPPENED WITH A HORNED GREY-SKINNED ALIEN FROM SPACE.  
CG: FRANKLY, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN. I'VE HAD NO ALLUSIONS AS TO MY SEXUAL ORIENTATION FOR YEARS, NOT THAT IT'S ANY OF YOUR GOD DAMN BUSINESS.  
TT: I apologize, you're completely right.  
TT: I suppose I am just surprised to meet someone who's honest with themselves after struggling with two boys who have both insisted on scoring a perfect zero on the Kinsey scale despite desplaying signs of bisexuality for years.  
TT: Would you mind explaining why it bothers you so much, then?  
CG: IT PRETTY MUCH BOILS DOWN TO "AN ASPECT OF MYSELF HARBORING ROMANTIC FEELINGS TOWARDS A PERSON WHO I MYSELF HARBOR NO SUCH ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR WHATSOEVER".  
TT: Ah.  
TT: I suppose that this is a bit tricky.  
CG: OH MY GOD R3L4X YOU GUYS 1 W4S JUST T34S1NG  
CG: 1F 1 W3R3 TO L1K3 4 P3RSON SOL3LY ON TH3 COLOR OF TH31R T3XT 1 WOULD BE PR3TTY SH4LLOW 4ND 4LSO K1ND OFF STUP1D   
CG: BY TH3 W4Y, WH4T 1S D4V3 L1K3??? >:??  
TT: No.  
CG: NO.  
CG: 44WWW, YOU GUYS 4R3 NO FUN!! >:[  
CG: GOD FUCKING DAMN IT TEREZI I'M ALREADY UNDER ENOUGH EMOTIONAL DURESS AS IT IS I DO NOT NEED TO BE DEALING WITH THIS SHIT.  
CG: SO SCRAM.  
CG: AUGH, THANK GOD.  
TT: It must be very strange to suddenly have all of this thrust upon you.  
TT: Have you recieved word from the parents of the boy who Gamzee hospitilized? Dave was very detailed in describing how badly he hurt him. I hope he was exaggerating.  
CG: IT'S BEEN SILENT ON THEIR END FOR ABOUT A WEEK. MY LAWYER IS STARTING TO GET A BIT ANTSY, HE SAYS WE CAN ONLY HOPE THAT THIS MEANS THEY'RE TRYING TO SAVE FACE BEFORE DROPPING THE CHARGES.  
CG: OR BEING LAZY, I DON'T KNOW.  
TT: How much of a chance do you think there is of them pressing charges?  
CG: NOT MUCH I WOULD THINK. BUT WHO KNOWS, THAT DUMBFUCK HAD TO LEARN TO BE AN ASSHOLE FROM SOMEWHERE.  
CG: SHIT WHAT IF THEY END UP TAKING ME TO COURT?  
CG: HOLY SHIT WHAT IF GAMZEE TAKES OVER FUCKING FUCK  
CG: AND THEY'RE JUST WAITING UNTIL HE CAN GET OUT OF THE HOSPITAL SO HE CAN BE THERE AND GAMZEE WILL NOT LIKE THAT SHIT FUCKING  
CG: OK, I'M GOING TO GO AND FREAK OUT SOMEWHERE ELSE.  
TT: I'm sure everything will be fine, Karkat.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

> OK, EVERYONE'S GETTING THEIR OWN SEPERATE PESTERCHUM ACCOUNT, WICH I'LL GIVE YOU THE NAMES TO DOWN BELOW, SO IF YOU SEE ONE OF THEM ONLINE DON'T EXPECT ME TO ANSWER. AND THEN I CAN USE MY ACCOUNT WITHOUT BEING BODY-JUMPED EVERY FIVE FUCKING SECONDS. HAVE FUN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess which troll's introduction I hate the most :D
> 
> If you guessed Vriska, you win.
> 
> All trolls will be slightly ooc, so keep that in mind please :o0


	4. What a Surprise

Anonymous asked: how are your parents dealing with this

 

Jack's taken this all surprisingly well. Thankfully he hasn't tried to sit you down for a Talk, and except for the fact that you mostly stay home instead of going to school, there hasn't been much change in the routine. He leaves early, most of the time before you wake up, and doesn't come home until it's time for dinner. You try to keep any of your alters from talking to him to keep him from freaking out. It worked for a week.

You went to sleep last night after a good hour of Nepeta doing her cat roleplay thing or whatever it is she does, and when you wake up with the sun hitting your face at a weird angle you're disoriented for a second. Didn't you shut the blinds so you could sleep in? And when you open your eyes to find yourself on the living room couch, your confusion skyrockets until you look to your right and everything turns to dread. Jack is sitting on the other side of the couch, remote in hand, giving you a wary, shocked look. 

"Who was it?" From the way he jumps slightly at the sound of your voice, you know it wasn't good. Fuck.

"What?"

"What did they say? What did they sound like? Was there a lisp, a 'mother fucker' every two seconds, something about red or justice, did they sound like a douchebag? Don't play dumb with me old man, what the fuck did they say?" Jack, meanwhile, has grown more and more uncomfortable, squirming slightly in his seat. You know from the way he grimaces that you're not going to like the answer.

"Said your- her name was Vriska. And that she's tired of seeing us tiptoe around each other. And to thank her later when we get our shit sorted out." He grimaces. Okay, you've never seen him act like this. There's got to be something else.

"And?" More squirming. 

"...And, uh," His face goes red. You think you feel naseuos. "She said I'm, cute."

...,

??????

????!?!??

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" No. Nonononono. Fffffff. You pinch the bridge of your nose between your eyes where a headache's beginning to form. "I can't fucking do this. I'm going to kill her. If she ever comes out again you punch her in my face for me."

"So you don't-"

"Oh god. _No_." Jack sighs in relief, mimicking your actions.

"You really had me worried there for a second, kid." You shake your head slowly, blowing out a breath between your teeth. You turn completely to look at him, waiting for a few seconds to let him know you're serious.

"As much as I hate to say it, especially now, the spider bitch is right. And since I can't guarantee that something similar won't ever happen again, I'll just tell you about them all so you know who's calling shotgun on my body at the moment and you don't die from a heart attack at an early age." He shuts off the tv then, nodding slowly. You then spend the next half-hour outlining the personalities of your alters as much as you can, telling him who's decent and who to ignore and anything else you can think of. He doesn't say much except for asking the occasional question, and once you're done you get up to make yourself breakfast. He coughs into a fist as you drudge up a bowl of cereal.

"You know that I don't think any different of you, right kid?" You snort in amusement.

"I would hope so. Where would I be without my rock of fucking solidarity?" He chuckles, and instead of retreating to your room like you usually do, you sit back down and have the first real talk that you've had with him in months.

 

 

You've ended up messaging Dave more often than not, when there's nothing else to do or when he bothers you first. Maybe it's the way that your conversations don't always seem to revolve around your fucked up head like they do with Rose, or how when Terezi or Feferi or even Tavros put their own two cents in he doesn't even hesitate to answer with his usual sarcasm. Maybe it's how he treats you like you're still _normal_. That doesn't keep you from being surprised when he interrupts one of your usual rants to ask you a question.

TG: hey so you know heathersfield park   
CG: YEAH. WHY?   
TG: so im there rn what do you say we hang out and chill for a bit   
TG: i was gonna just feed the ducks some bread by the lake since i haven't done anything to reassert my irony skills to my bro but it got old after like five seconds   
CG: FYI, DID YOU KNOW THAT BREAD CAN ACTUALLY KILL DUCKS? IT'S THE SILENT KILLER IN THE DUCK COMMUNITY.   
TG: holy shit really   
CG: YEP.   
TG: whelp there goes that plan   
TG: all the more reason for you to join me   
TG: itll be romantic karkitten what do you say   
CG: ONLY IF YOU PROMISE TO NEVER CALL ME THAT EVER AGAIN. I GET ENOUGH CAT PUNS FROM NEPETA HOLY SHIT.   
TG: whatever you say crabcake   
CG: FUCK YOU WITH A RUSTY SHOVEL. I'LL BE THERE IN TEN MINUTES.   
TG: try not to keep your lady waiting

 

You make sure to tell Jack where you're going so he doesn't freak out and call all of his buddies to search town and look for you (there's been more than one close call where he didn't think to check in the back and you walked in on him yelling into the phone), and try not to be a little nauseous when you find yourself in your room after you thought you walked out the door. You look in the mirror after checking the time (only five minutes passed thank god) and puff out a breath of mixed relief, irritation and embarrassment as you see yourself in a new outfit. Well, not enough time to change out of it now. Kanaya must have decided that your usual sweater wasn't enough and tried to go through your "pitiful" range of outfits. You find it in yourself to be a bit grateful. You know she only has your best interest in mind. 

You walk out the door and towards the park, the slightly warm air deciding to stutter into a light breeze as you make your way. You try not to feel nervous. Of course, like everything else you do in life, you fail.

///

You try not to be nervous as you wait for Karkat to arrive, the ducks quacking at you demandingly as soon as they so much as get a glance of the brown paper bag in your hands, either unaware or too stupid to care that it's contents would pretty much kill them. You're still not sure if Karkat was fucking with you on that one, but you don't dare to risk it. Ducks are too adorable. Shut up, you're allowed to like ducks. Like everything you do in life, you succeed with a double gold star. At least that's what you tell yourself. You've gotten pretty good at telling yourself these things.

You jump slightly when you feel a buzz in your pocket, and play it off perfectly by standing up and taking out your phone. You feel a prickle of irritation that you don't let quite reach your face when you see the lilac-colored text.

TT: I hope you don't mind, but I've decided to take you up on your earlier offer of joining you at the park.   
TT: And when I say I hope you don't mind, I mean you don't have a choice.   
TG: maybe next time sis, karkats coming to meet me   
TT: Oh? Even better, then.   
TG: the kids a god damn shut in, lalonde, i dont need you scarring him for life and sending him back to his hidey hole   
TT: Dave, are you aware of what most studied in the field believe to cause Karkat's particular brand of disorder?   
TG: nope   
TT: Dissociative Identity Disorder, also known as Multiple Personality Disorder, is extremely contreversial in the sense that no one seems to be able to come to an agreement on the terms of cause or treatment.   
TT: However, a good majority of people with this diagnosis report sexual and/or physical abuse when they were very young.   
TT: While I can't say anything for our dear friend Karkat here, I assure you that a few questions in person will not, as you put it, scar him for life.   
TG: well shit lalonde, you couldnt tell me this when i wasnt going to be meeting him in 5 minutes?   
TT: Doesn't it make you glad that I'll be there to fill in the awkward silences, then?   
TT: See you soon, brother dear.   
TG: god damn it

 

Snarky broads, getting all up in your shit. You send Karkat a message telling him to expect company.

TG: hey so it turns out lalondes going to be joining our little rumpus party and since theres nothing i can really do about it i figured id at least give you a heads up   
TG: i guess well have to save the candle lit dinner i had planned for another time   
CG: WHATEVER ASSHOLE. I'M ALMOST THERE. TRY NOT TO SHIT YOURSELF IN EXCITEMENT, I KNOW IT'S TOUGH BUT I'M SURE YOU CAN DEAL WITH IT.   
CG: YOU'RE THE DOUCHE WITH THE LAME SHADES, RIGHT?   
TG: hey, dont knock on the shades. According to one egbert theyve actually touched ben stillers perfect face or whatever actor it was   
CG: WELL, IF YOU'D TURN TO YOUR RIGHT YOU MIGHT SEE ME APPROACHING. WHY THE HELL ARE THE DUCKS ALL GATHERED AROUND YOU LIKE YOU'RE THEY'RE FUCKING GOD?

 

You turn to your right to see... yep, that's Karkat Vantas. He's still short and angry and brown looking, even if he's a little bit paler than the last time you saw him. He was also screaming and covered in blood the last time you saw him, but you try not to let that get to you. You change the smile your face wants to make into a smirk once he gets within hearing range, and now that he's closer he looks... actually kind of cute. In the "I want to smoosh his face and make baby noises at him", not "I want to smoosh his face and then kiss his lips" type of way. You think. That's what you tell yourself.

"It's all in my charm. The lady ducks simply can't get enough of this hot bod, and the man ducks try to go after their women and bring them back to the duck kitchen, but the second they see me they're like, "Maybe my girl was onto something after all", and soon enough they're caught in the smoothness of my moves and there's no escape. Ducks simply can't resist my moves, it's encoded into their DNA." Karkat gives you a half bewildered, half unimpressed stare as you finish, and you scold yourself for rambling. It's a nervous habit, you can't control it, but if you don't get it under some tight wraps before Rose shows up you're going to be getting shit for the rest of the day.

"Holy shit, you do the metaphors in person? How does that even happen?" You shrug, walking towards the path leading around the lake, and Karkat follows you. Maybe you've been picking up on the passive-aggressive bullshit from Rose and her mom, but you hope she gets the message when she arrives to find you not there.

"I do have a way with words." You nod your head towards Karkat as he rolls his eyes. "Nice jacket." He flushes, his ears reddening slightly under his dark hair.

"Yeah, Kanaya picked it out for me before I realized what was going on. She keeps nagging that I need to 'expand my wardrobe' or some shit like that." You look him over more carefully now, tucking how he reddens even further away as information to tease him about online later. His camo-green jacket lays open against a gray shirt over dark jeans, finished off with his usual pair of ratty black converse. You nod in approval; you can take a guess from his usual unvarying outfit at school that there must have not been a lot to work with, and with such a short amount of time, too. Mark yourself down as impressed.

"It looks good. She has some nice taste." You smirk again when he turns his face, obviously trying to hide the red there. You're both silent for a minute, and you're wondering if you embarrassed him more than you thought when he speaks again.

"So how many have exploded?"

"Huh?" Yeah, great response.

"Ducks. How many have you managed to kill with your bread bombs?"

"All of them. It was too late by the time you told me. All of the ones you saw back there were ghost ducks, out for blood to avenge their gruesome murders." Karkat foot catches on a rock and he stumbles, but he rights himself in less than a second so you continue. "I'm still not sure how serious you are about that, by the way. Where did you even hear captivating tidbit of information?"

"I've been on tumblr a lot for the past couple of weeks. The throes of the internet are a strange place. It won't actually kill them outright, but it'll fill them up for a long time and it's not actually very nutritious for them, so they can end up starving to death. So, unless you want our city's pristine lake to be polluted with rotting duck corpses, I suggest you stop with the pity-feeding." You roll your eyes behind the glasses. So apparently you're not the only one to go on long spiels. You bring out your phone when it vibrates in your pocket before stuffing it back in, motioning with your hand to head back to the same spot you were before.

"Lalonde is here and wondering where the fuck we are. We should head back before she gets impatient and tracks us down to strangle us with her yarn." He grimaces and follows you, and as you turn back around the corner you get a glance of a bob of platinum-blonde hair before she's practically on you. This girl is fast enough to rival even your speed sometimes, shit. She nods to you before smiling at Karkat sweetly.

"Brother. Karkat. What a pleasure to see you both." Karkat nods hesitantly in return, and you contemplate for a moment on how it must've been a while since he's actually been in the presence of more than one person at a time. From the way his hands twitch every few seconds you know he's just waiting for himself to screw up or one of his alters to jump him or something. You think back on what Rose said before, on how a lot of people like him were abused when they were younger, and you curse her for dropping that bomb on you now of all times. It's your fault, really, you should have looked this shit up the second you found Vantas' blog, but the thought just never occurred to you. You're brought back to the present when Karkat clears his throat, glancing at Rose and then you before going to the ground.

"Uh, Rose, Kanaya says hello. And Terezi's been bugging me to let her say hi to Dave this whole time but there's no way in hell that's happening, so she'll have to be satisfied with going through me instead." He grimaces as you both process this, like he's waiting for you to run for the hills, but Rose's voice is perfectly smooth when she responds.

"I would be grateful if you would let Kanaya know that I return the sentiment." You say something too, trying to show how much you're not weirded out by this. Because really, you're not. It's 'weird', as in 'not normal', you're not going to lie to yourself there, but honestly you prefer this over your brother's puppet fetishes any day. Any. Day.

"Aw, Karkles, why you trying to keep us apart? It won't work forever, we're bound to be bffsies five-ever. Just embrace it. Embrace our pal-ship." He scowls at you, ball of anger that he is, but you know it's meaningless in that it's just the way he deals with people, and, dare you say it? Shows affection. He opens his mouth, probably to tell you something about how you're never to use Terezi's nickname for him ever again – except with a few more 'fucks' involved – when a jeering call sounds not twenty feet in front of you.

"Hey!" A group of four guys who all fit the stereotypical "thug life" pattern block your path, obviously looking for a fight. Judging from the looks of their baggy jeans and clumsy movements, you know you can take them all on singlehandedly. The punks probably want your wallet or iphone or some shit like that; too bad they don't know what they're getting into. You may look wiry, but you didn't get into a ton of strifes with your bro and not get something out of it. Definitely. The opposite of that. 

"Who the fuck are you?" Yeah, you go Karkat, show them who's boss. You imagine him yelling at them at full volume with his curses and insults in tow and every single one of them running off with their tails between their legs. You allow yourself a silent chuckle at the thought. It dies off abruptly at their next words, and all of you – even Rose – tense. Fuck.

"Are you the faggot that fucked with Michael?" You're gaze snaps to Karkat, and oh fuck he's gotten pale, now he's starting to shake fuck, and when they-

///

"Are you the faggot that fucked with Michael?"

Their eyes are all angry as one of them says it, accusing and threatening. Their fists are balled, and you think you can see the outline of a blade on the ankle of one of them, but you aren't really thinking about that. Instead, you're overwhelmed with a sudden rush of _fear_. Not for yourself, although you're sure if you really looked for it you could find it somewhere. It's more of a fear that Gamzee will take over, beat the crap out of them, and you wouldn't put _killing_ them past him. And you know he'd do it, in a heart beat. And maybe he'll go crazy like he almost did last time, and hurt Dave and Rose and anyone else who came to see what the fuck is going on, and you suddenly don't know what to do. You're shaking and you can't stop yourself, and you barely notice when Rose and Dave shift so they're slightly in front of you. What the _fuck_ do you do? Do you run? No, they'd just chase you and then you wouldn't be able to hold him back, you can already feel him wanting to protect you, getting more insistent. You're finding it harder and harder not to just give in and you're scared for your friends and you _don't know what to do_ because you're not strong enough to do anything else and when they start walking forward, you, dON'T-

///

-take the first step forward and Karkat cringes in on himself, Rose's voice is composed and quick as she lets the long needles she always keeps with her slide down her sleeves.

"I'll clean up here, brother. Why don't you and Karkat go enjoy the scenery?" You nod, and you grab Karkat by both of his shoulders before guiding him in the opposite direction of the thugs where he won't be able to hear them pleading for mercy as Rose picks them apart. You ignore their shouts of protest until they fade into nothing as you sit Karkat down at a picnic table.

"Uh, thanks, for that." His voice comes out small and not at all like it was a few minutes ago, and he crosses his arm over his chest. He looks up to give you a small hesitant smile, and you're pretty sure this isn't Karkat at the moment. 

"No problem. I enjoy swooping in to save damsels in distress, it's one of the things I do in my spare time. Not a big deal, really." He(?) nods slowly, as if he's not sure how seriously to take your words.

"Ok. Um. What's your name, again?" You give a salute, stiffening your spine before bringing the side of your hand to your forehead.

"Dave Strider, at your service." He nods again. "And what do I call you now that Karkat's checked out?" He blinks up at you in surprise before smiling sheepishly, giving a small cough into his hand.

"Oh, uh, I didn't know you were, friends, with Karkat. My name's Tavros. I just thought, that, I should do something before Gamzee took over, seeing as how that's exactly the opposite, of, what Karkat wanted." Wow, it's really weird how different he is while still being the same. You've had plenty of experience witnessing the Uncanny Valley first-hand what with Dirk's robots, but this is something else.

"What, are you gonna tell me next that you built the Daleks or some shit?" He furrows his eyebrows in confusion and you wave your hand dismissively. There was a slim chance he would get that reference, anyways. Maybe you and Karkat can laugh about it later. 

"Is that girl, back there, going to be okay?" He looks concerned as he glances back to the way you came.

"Who, Rose? Yeah, she'll be fine. Girl knows how to take care of herself." He nods. You turn when Tavros jumps at the sound of grass crunching under feet, and see Rose approaching you with a satisfied look on her face. 

"Well, that took care of that. I doubt they'll be bothering Karkat again in the near future." You shake your head at her as subtly as you can, but you can tell she still catches it by the way she looks back at him.

"Tavros here was just telling me about how he saved those punks' asses by jumping in before Gamzee could. I don't know why, if you ask me. It would've been nice to see their asses get handed to them." Rose and Tavros are both shaking their heads, and you get the feeling that you just said something incredibly stupid.

"I don't think, you know, what, Gamzee is capable of." You just shrug, and you feel a bit of pity for the kid when you see that glint in Rose's eyes. You're pretty sure you know what that means – usually something along the lines of "fresh prey has been scented, let the hunting commence" – so you're pretty surprised at what she says next.

"Would you like to stay with us for a bit longer, Tavros, or would you prefer to head home?" He scratches the back of his neck and shuffles his feet for a moment before answering.

"I, think, I would, like to go home." Rose nods. You shrug, trying not to feel disappointed that your chill-meeting was cut short.

"Whelp, see you later, dude." You turn to go.

"Wait! Uh, I mean," Tavros bites his bottom lip, looking for all the world like a scared little kid. "Do you think, you could, uh, walk, with me? If it isn't too much trouble, I mean. Uh." Rose looks him over for a moment before you can practically hear the click of understanding in her head. She smiles sweetly at him before nodding.

"I think we can manage that. Right, brother?" She says it in a way that offers no room for argument, so you just shrug.

"Sure, I can take a few minutes out of my busy schedule of doing nothing." Tavros gives you a wide, genuine smile, which looks slightly odd on Karkat's face. Or Tavros' face. Whatever the fuck is the politically correct way to think of this shit. 

"It's, um, this way." You and Rose follow him through the streets, and you all comment to each other on different things as the minutes tick by. You can see Tavros relax in increments as time goes on, growing confident enough to make his own jokes. Soon he makes a comment saying how they're just down the street from his house.

"I apologize, but I'd best head back to feed Jaspers and the stray kitten that I'm sure Mother brought home just to torment me. I'm sure Dave will have no problem staying with you?" She says it as a question, but you know better. 

"Sure thing, sis, ain't a problem." Tavros stutters out a goodbye before he continues to shuffle down the street. 

He stops in front of a house with a black car parked in front of a closed garage before walking to the door, and you follow him. He gives you another small smile.

"Thanks, again, for helping me." You resist the urge to pinch his cheeks. You are strong.

"Wasn't a problem." He nods before turning to open the door, but the second he twists the knob and it opens he trips, and you grab him by the arm. As soon as he's standing he's looking around him in confusion, and he brings his hands up to look at them like- ooooh.

"Don't worry, Gamzee didn't show up. We and Tavros had a nice little chat though. Asked us to walk him home to finish off our little date." Karkat visibly relaxes before he slaps a hand to his face.

"Fuck. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. What happened to those shitstains at the park?" You smirk, and it goes a little closer to actual smile territory before you can stop it.

"Rose took care of them. I could practically hear them crying for their mommies after the first five seconds. I wouldn't be surprised if she psycho-babbled their brains into jelly." You can see a ghost of a smile edging it's way onto Karkat's lips, and after a few seconds he's shifting awkwardly on his feet.

"I should probably head inside. I'm going to get a killer fucking headache in a minute."

"Yeah, wouldn't want to bruise our delicate little peach." You can feel his scowl burning into your back as you walk away. You allow yourself a small little smile when you get a message a few minutes later.

CG: THANKS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can expect at least one chapter every weekend, I think. Yes, that'd be the most likely thing to happen.


	5. One Week Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and the next chapter has to be one of my favorites.

TG: hey  
TG: hey karkat  
TG: karkat  
TG: krabcake  
TG: kickle kackle  
TG: kricket  
TG: ok that was a bad one i admit it  
TG: i know your online stop ignoring me and answer   
CG: WHAT NOW, FUCKASS?  
TG: let me just say that i regret ever introducing you to jade so that she could teach you that word  
TG: she still manages to be a bad influence even halfway across the world  
CG: IS THAT ALL YOU WANTED TO SAY? BECAUSE IF SO I SHOULD REALLY GO BACK TO BEING BORED AND DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WITH MY LIFE.  
TG: actually egberts bringing over some of his terrible movies and we were wondering if you wanted to come  
TG: of course thats assuming you think you can manage to sit through his shit without strangling something  
TG: but at least itd be better than rotting in your room or some shit  
CG: IS JOHN THE ONLY IDIOT BESIDES YOU WHO'S GOING TO BE THERE?  
TG: my bros at whatever he does for work these days, probably wont be back until after youre gone  
TG: dirk is here but hell mostly just stay in his room when hes not raiding the kitchen or jerking off to his pony porn  
TG: what do you say man you in or you out  
CG: FINE, EVEN IF I CAN ALREADY TELL IT'LL BE A WASTE OF MY TIME.  
CG: HOW FAR AWAY ARE YOU?  
TG: ill send you the adress to the apartment, its not far from the park just go all the way to the top floor and well be the door by the stairs to the roof  
CG: LET ME JUST TELL JACK WHERE I'M GOING, I'LL LEAVE IN A MINUTE.  
TG: you sure you don't want me to meet you halfway, right at the borderline  
CG: I'M IGNORING THAT. AND NO. I CAN'T BE RELYING ON YOU GUYS ALL THE TIME, I'M SURE I'LL BE FINE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ROSE DID BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN THOSE GUYS AT ALL SINCE THEN.  
TG: trust me man you dont want to know. Be glad that she likes you  
CG: I GIVE MY THANKS EVERY FUCKING DAY.  
CG: I'M LEAVING NOW. SEE YOU IN AN UNFORTUNATELY SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME.  
TG: ill be waiting~

When you finally get to the top floor of the apartment building (seriously how high is this fucking thing?) you take a breath before knocking on the door. You scratch your arm underneath your sweater sleeve, glad that you were able to leave before Kanaya could try to change you into something more "presentable". As much as you tried not to care it was embarrassing as hell last time. Where did you even get that jacket from, anyway? Your train of thought is interrupted as Dave opens the door, the same insufferable smirk on his face under his shades as the first time you saw him. 

"Thought you'd never make it, crabsticks." You give him your best scowl, and he moves aside to let you in as another voice calls from behind him. 

"Hey, is that Karkat?" You step inside to see a boy with dark hair and glasses beaming at you from the couch. He stands up to offer you a hand which you reluctantly take. 

"Hi, my name's John!" 

"Yeah, I know." You try not to sound too rude as you say it, but it comes out like that anyways. It's been your default setting for years now, but if your tone offends him at all he doesn't show it. 

"Dave told me about the fight." You're wondering where he's going with this when his voice goes mild with concern. "You weren't hurt at all, were you?" The sincerity in his tone makes you pause for a second in surprise, but you answer him quickly. 

"No, Gamzee had him on the ground before he could fucking blink let alone try to punch him back." 

"Gamzee? Who's that?" You look at him in bewilderment before turning to Dave. 

"Wait, so you didn't tell him? But you still told him about the fight." He just shrugs. 

"Figured it wasn't for me to tell." You grimace as you turn back to John to see him looking at you both with a confused look on his face. John follows you as you sit down on the couch while Dave leaves for... somewhere. Probably to give you some semblance of privacy or something. 

"Fuck, this is going to be awkward as hell. Basically I have this disorder where I have eleven other fucking people in my head, and they come out at pretty much whenever they feel like it. The one who pounded on the guy at school was Gamzee." You explain it as best as you can in a short amount of time. When you're done, John pauses for a moment before giving you a wide smile. 

"That's so cool! What does it feel like when an alter – is that what you called it? - an alter comes out?" He sounds enthusiastic and innoccent as he asks. Well, at least it's better than him running screaming from the room are calling you a freak. 

"Sometimes I black out and I don't remember shit, usually followed by a grade A fucking headache. Most of the time lately I've been co-conscious with them. It's like seeing and feeling but not being in control. It's weird as hell." 

"Cool!" You roll your eyes, and you see Dave walking into the room with a couple bowls of popcorn. He puts them down on the floor before sitting in the seat next to you. 

"You bet your sweet ass it is, Egbert. You should've seen Tavros, being all adorable 'n shit. It was like I was the Grinch and my heart was growing three sizes." You grumble, crossing your arms over your chest. You notice John shifting beside you, and you let out a sigh. 

"What is it, Egbert? I know you want to say something, so out with it." He scratches the back of his neck, smiling apologetically. 

"Well, I was just kinda wondering if I could see one of them." 

"I'm not a fucking circus act, John, here specifically for your amusement. You can't blow your horn and expect me to jump into the air like a fucking animal. Have some fucking respect." You watch as his expression becomes more and more horrified, and you mentally kick yourself in the shins as he blusters over his words. 

"I know, you're right, I'm sorry! I'm so stupid, bluh, I should've never said that, please just forget about it-" 

"It's fine, I know you didn't mean anything by it. I just have to be an asshole whenever I get the chance. I'm sure you'll get the opportunity to see one of them by the end of all this; they can't go five fucking seconds without flipping my shit." You're glad when John smiles again, even if it's a bit more hesitant than last time, but before the silence can get any more awkward Dave is already rifling through a huge stack of plastic cases. 

"Okay brosefs, what are we watching first?" 

"Con Air, duh!" John sticks his tongue out at Dave, who whips out a case from the stack with a flourish before taking the DVD out and sliding it into the player. 

"One piece of cinematic shit coming up, your majesty." 

"Hey! Con Air is great, I don't care what you say!" You watch amusedly as they banter back and forth, and you wonder how they became friends. The movie starts and John mouths along with the lines, and Dave doesn't hold back on teasing him for it. You find yourself talking a hell of a lot less than you'd usually be, but you don't really give a fuck. It's oddly relaxing, being in the dark room while Dave and John argue over a movie you can already tell sucks. An hour later, you ask Dave to point you to the bathroom, but you stop on the way back out when you see a glint of gray metal through the crack of a slightly open door. 

Before you realize what's happened, you're through the door and picking up what you realize is a mechanical arm with wiring sticking out at one end. Suddenly you feel cool metal against the back of your neck, and if you were in control you probably would've dropped it then and there. Instead, your fingers smoothly flip open a large panel on the side to get a better look at the arm's guts. 

"This wiring is faulty." Your voice comes out low and deep. Oh shit, it's Equius. You don't really know too much about him except he likes archery and has a thing for bossing people around. And being bossed around. Ugh. The sharp metal against your neck digs in slightly as Equius begins to shift the wires around. Not enough to draw blood but still enough to make you freak out a bit. Okay, a lot. You really wish Equius would stop whatever the fuck it is he's doing and leave. 

"Who the fuck are you?" The voice comes from behind you, but Equius doesn't turn around. He keeps fiddling with the wires, and you _really_ wish he would stop. You're pretty sure it's a sword against your neck right now and you're really not okay with that. At all. Either he's finished or he somehow sensed your distress because he grunts a sound of vague approval and closes the panel, setting the arm down. The sword lifts as he turns around, and you see a guy who looks a few years older than Dave, wearing almost the same glasses except they're pointed at the tips. 

"Who I am doesn't concern you. I order you to refrain from using explicit language in my presence." Pointy-Glasses twirls the sword in his hand, the light glinting off the edge of the blade in a very deliberate manner that you just _know_ can't mean anything good. 

"This is my fucking room. That said, it's my business who you are and I can say whatever the fuck I want. So tell me what you think you're doing." It takes a second for you to realize that this must be Dirk, one of Dave's older brothers, and you feel your hands begin to slick as he basically orders Equius around. Oh fuck. 

"I was improving your inferior wiring. I admit it was...good, but I took the liberty to work out some of the finer problems." Dirk smirks, swinging his sword over his shoulder. 

"Better. Now tell me what the fuck you're doing in my house." You think you're forehead is damp. Ooh fucking fuck. 

"Karkat is gathering with his friends to watch movies." Dirk raises an eyebrow smoothly above his shades. Equius shifts on his feet. 

"That doesn't explain you. I _order_ you to tell me why _you're_ here." Fuck. He used the word. He had to go and use the word. Of course, it's Dave's brother, why wouldn't he use that _one fucking word_? 

"I- I don't- a towel, please-" Equius tries to stammer something out, but Dirk cuts him off with a raised hand, a smirk firm on his lips. 

"Do I need to say it again? I order you to explain what exactly you're doing in this apartment." You pray to whatever god is listening for something to keep this from continuing as Equius begins to sweat even more, his stammering growing worse. You feel like singing in joy when Dave knocks and opens the door, John following behind him. 

"Hey bro, have you seen holy shit." Dave stops in the doorway, John bumping into him before he can stop himself. Dirk raises an eyebrow at him. 

"Dave, who the fuck is this?" You can tell from the way Dave tilts his head that he knows you're not in control. He probably figured that you'd be shouting your head off right about now if you were, and he would be so correct. 

"Damned if I know. Which one are you?" John's eyes widen, and if you could you'd be rolling your eyes. 

"Equius. I improved his machinery but he's proved to be ungrateful." Dave looks between you and Dirk slowly. 

"Holy shit, you touched his stuff and you're still alive?" You think you'd be sweating right now even if Equius wasn't in control. Except for a different reason. You try not to think about the bullet you just dodged. 

"If I stabbed him while he had his hands in my shit he might have fucked it up." Very narrowly dodged. 

"Well Equius, this guy who was almost your murderer is my bro Dirk. I'm Dave, and this is John." He motions to each of them in turn and Equius nods. "When do you think we can get Karkrab back? We were kind of in the middle of some important shit." 

"I assure you, he..." The whole room seems to shift for a moment, and you don't realize you almost fell over until Dave is pulling you up. When it registers that you have control again, you take a deep breath before shoving Dave off and pointing an accusing finger at Dirk. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you, asshole, you could have killed me!" You know he must be confused right now, but he doesn't show it. 

"Thought you didn't like explicit language?" 

"Nope, I love it, can't go a day without it, it's like my fucking air and water, it's the life essence that flows through my veins! Every second that I'm not screaming profanities at the top of my lungs is a second not worth living!" You wipe the dampness on your forehead on the sleeve of your sweater, grimacing in disgust as you do so. Maybe you should carry a bag of spare towels with you or something. Equius would be _ecstatic_. 

"What triggered it this time?" Dave asks nonchalantly, righting himself into the typical Strider slouch. 

"I was on my way back when I saw some mechanics shit through the door. Before I knew it Equius took over and there was a fucking sword on my neck and I couldn't do anything about it!" 

"Will someone please be kind enough to explain what exactly is going on here?" Dirk sounds impatient now, and you think you catch of bit of something else before it's gone, as much as it seems like he's trying to hide it. You growl in frustration. 

"Sure, let's let the whole world know just how fucked up I am in the head, shall we? Every stranger with no sense of personal boundaries and a brown nose can hear about it, gather around and listen to the tale of the insane asshole! How about _fuck no_." You throw your hands into the air and stomp out of the room, back to the couch. John and Dave follow you after a minute, and they let you pick the next movie on account of how you almost died. Dave tries to apologize a couple times, but you just grunt noncommittally and ignore him, and soon enough he drops it. You've all gone through four more bags of popcorn by the time the movie's over, and you're waiting for John and Dave to heat up more when something is dropped into your lap. You pick it up to see that it's the robotic arm, and you look up to find Dirk staring at you. 

"Something's been wonky with that for a week and I haven't been able to figure it out. Then you walk in there and fix it in thirty seconds. I've looked it over about twenty times but I can't figure out what you did." You hand it back when you realize what he's asking. 

"Sorry, you'll have to ask the other guy. I have no idea what the fuck he did to it." He takes it back, but you can tell he's still unsatisfied. 

"So, is that your only alter or do you have more?" He smirks when you don't answer. "I'm not an idiot, kid, I know my way around an internet connection." You scowl at him. 

"I don't see how it's any of your fucking business." He shrugs. 

"It's not. I had a friend who was almost diagnosed with the same thing a long time ago, so I figured I should just see what's up." He disappears, probably back to his room, and you hear John from the kitchen. You make a mental note to yourself that Dave isn't the only Strider who's weird as fuck. 

"Hey, I think it's raining outside!" You walk over to where John is and look out the window he's staring out of, and yep, it's really pouring out there. Now that you're listening for it, you can hear the sound of raindrops pelting the roof. You step back as John fiddles with the latch before throwing the window open. 

"What the fuck are you doing, moron?" 

"What, I like the smell! I love stormy weather." 

"Well I _don't_. I'm not walking back home in that mess." 

"You're gonna be here for a while, then. That doesn't look like it's letting up any time soon." Dave calls over from next to the microwave. You all head back to the living room to watch another movie, and by the time it's over the rain is pouring down even harder than before. John offers to give you a ride home, but you refuse when you find out he lives practically on the other side of town. You call Jack, but he says he got called in for work and won't be home until morning. When you say you'll just walk home when the rain stops, he practically deafens you when he yells at you to stay where you are and don't you dare walk home at this time of night. You shoot Dave a glare when he loudly says that he's cool with you staying the night, and Jack hangs up with the sound of muffled sniggering in the background of his line before you can protest any more. 

"What the hell was that for?" He just smirks. 

"Don't you know it's dangerous in the city at night? We wouldn't want our little princess getting shanked." You think about what might happen if someone _did_ try to hurt you, and you think that you never want to have blood on your hands ever again. Instead of letting Dave know that, you just scoff and follow him into his room. A massive set of turntables takes up a corner of the room, with a bed in another. Dead things of various sizes floating in jars are scattered across the room, and you pick up a yellow puppet from the floor. When Dave sees you with it, he snatches it and throws it out into the hallway, shrugging when you give him a look. He tries to argue with you about who gets the bed ("I heard that princesses have delicate skin" "So you definitely need the bed more than me") but in the end you just grab a bunch of blankets and refuse to move from the floor. 

When you wake up to a loud _thud_ and find Dave's sheets in your hands, the sun filtering lazily through his blinds, you're pretty sure you're screwed. When a cackle escapes your lips, and you realize your vision is blurry around the edges, you know you're screwed. 

"Wake up, coolkid!" Yeah. You're screwed. So screwed you can't even drudge up one of your usual metaphors. 

_Fuck._


	6. "Memories!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _not Karkat not Karkat not Karkat_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> decided to upload a day early because fuck boredom.

You wake up from falling on the floor. Your first thought is, how did Bro get into my room without me noticing? Your second thought is, well fuck, that's not Bro. You readjust the shades that are fortunately still on your face and look up to see Karkat with your sheets in his hand, laughing his ass of.

"Karkat, what the fuck?" 

"Wrong name, coolkid!" He then gives you a smile a bit like Rose would when she finds something new to blackmail with, sharp and wide and a little creepy, especially on his face. Something clicks as you recognize the nickname.

"Wait, Terezi? Holy shit, where's Karkat on this?" She positively cackles, and you don't know how you thought she sounded like Karkat at all. You chalk it up to drowsiness. You stand up, snatching your sheets from her (his?) hands, glad that you decided to stay in your clothes instead of ditching them for your boxers like you usually do.

"He's up and pissed. Pretty sure I'm never going to hear the end of it!" She says it in a way that you know means she doesn't care. You motion for her to follow you out of the room, and you bite back a sigh of relief when no one is there. Bro's unholy puppet from last night is gone, which means Bro came back and brought it to his room with him.

"We should commemorate our first meeting with a breakfast fit for kings. How do pop tarts sound to you?"

"Delicious! I want cherry."

"Sure thing, baby doll." Terezi sits down at the counter, looking around her with that grin still on her face as you pop the tarts into the toaster.

"So this is the infamous Strider pad."

"Yep, you have the very special opportunity to get to see this place, you should feel honored. There's a long line of chicks waiting for this chance that will never come, and here you are just eating my food. Why do you even like red so much anyway?"

"I plead the fifth!" You chuckle while she laughs, putting her pop tarts onto a paper plate and handing them to her as you waited for yours to be done. "Red is just the most delicious color. It tastes like family. And blue reminds me of peace!" She practically shoves the whole pop tart down her throat as you raise one eyebrow at her.

"You're telling me you can taste colors?"

"Yep!"

"I bet I taste like ice, because I'm so _chill_."

"Wanna bet?" Before you can move she has her arms swung around your neck, and suddenly you're aware of every inch of your body and they way you're sitting and as she draws her tongue down your cheek you chant to yourself in your head _not Karkat not Karkat not Karkat_. She smacks her lips smugly before letting you go, going back to her breakfast. You're suddenly very glad for the poker face you've ironed out over the years, and you make sure your voice is steady before you try to speak. Fucking hell.

"Well?" 

"Memories!"

"Seriously?"

"Do you really think I'd lie to you?" 

"Hell yeah."

"Good! I was afraid you were going to be stupid."

"But memories? Really? What the fuck does that even mean?" She licks her fingers and winks at you.

"Don't worry, you taste nice."

"Glad to hear you finally got laid, little bro." You stiffen before turning around to see Bro smirking at you, and Terezi cackles as he shuffles into the kitchen. She knew he was there, god damn it.

"Okay, this is nothing at all what it sounds like." Bro ruffles your hair as he passes by, and you give him a Strider scowl. To anybody else it would look like your normal expression, but you know Bro can tell.

"Sure. Who's the lucky guy?" He points a thumb over at Terezi who's only gotten further into her cackling fit.

"This is where things get complicated. Bro, you might want to sit down for this one. Long story short, this here is Karkat, except he woke up this morning as Terezi. Sometimes he's other people too, but right now we're stuck with this insane chick. Keeping up so far?"

"Uh-huh." He gives you a look which means he either thinks you've finally lost it, or he's in the middle of one of his weird dreams. Probably both.

"Look, you can call Rose if you don't believe me. Then you can sit through all of the technical mumbo jumbo as much as you want. Back me up here, TZ?"

"Hehehe, Karkles is _sooo_ pissed at me right now! I'm never going to hear the end of it!"

"But you still got laid, right?"

"No!" He actually _tuts_ at you, grabbing the rest of the poptarts out of the box before heading back to his room.

"Shame. You could've done worse, too." You have a strong will, so you wait until you hear the click of his bedroom door before banging your head against the wall. Several times. Terezi just snickers, and you can practically hear Karkat's horror from whatever plane of existence he's currently on. 

"I like him!" 

"Traitor. I bet you like puppets, too." She doesn't answer. "Oh no no no, please Terezi, tell me you don't like puppets."

"Only if they're dragon puppets," she says decisively, leaving the counter to lie on the couch. You think you might be nauseous, but you finish the rest of your food anyway and join her by the floor.

"So how pissed is he really?"

"Not so much anymore, more like a low simmer. I don't think he's going to break the furniture now." You chuckle under your breath, flipping on the TV. You both watch until you realize Terezi hasn't made any snarky comments on the stupidity of Jersey Shore for a while, and you think for a second that she must've conked out.

"Holy hell."

"Are you back with the living, Mr. Vantas?"

"Yes, because being dead would be too much to ask." He groans, and you look back when you feel him shift on the couch behind you to see he's turned so his head is buried in the cushions. His voice comes out muffled when he talks again. "Please, someone, kill me now. Put me out of my misery. I just- I can't-" He flails so that his hand hits the back of your head, and his voice rises in volume as he continues. "What the fuck did she think she was doing, she _licked_ you, and your brother oh my _god-"_

_"Hey, stop freaking out, it's cool." You meant it to e reassuring, but instead he's on his feet and glaring down at you furiously._

_"No, it's not fucking cool! I can't take all of this crap on top of you two practically slobbering all over each other, _literally_ in her case!"_

_"Dude calm down, we're just poking at each other, it doesn't mean anything."_

_" _That still doesn't mean I'm comfortable with it!_ " Karkat's actually shouting this time, and you can feel your eyes widen behind your shades. Shit, this looks like it's actually a big deal to him._

_"Look, I'm sorry, I honestly didn't realize I was making you so uncomfortable. If it makes you feel better I'll stop with the platonic flirting with Terezi." He huffs and sits back down on the couch hard, like he almost didn't expect to get his way that easy. It looks like he's about to say something else when Bro pops his head around the corner of the hall._

_"Trouble in paradise?"_

_" _Fuck off_." Both of you say it at the exact same time, and Bro brings his hands up defensively._

"Okay, I can tell when I'm not wanted. I'll let you little shits sort out your own problems, then." He's gone instantly, flash-stepped somewhere you can't hear him. You slowly turn to Karkat to see him trying to fight down a smile, and you realize that you already are. Huh. You quickly pull yourself together again, and Karkat sighs, running his hands through his hair. 

"Fuck, if anyone should be apologizing right now it should be me. I know it doesn't mean anything, I just-" You cut him off before he can finish his sentence. 

"Are you kidding me? You're perfectly in the right here, I'm the one who should've figured this shit out sooner. You don't have to worry about it." He nods, and you're confused for a second when he stands up. 

"I should get going before Jack sends his lackey's over here or something just as stupid." Oh yeah. You'd sort of forgotten that was a thing that could happen, what with the crazy synesthetic chick and all. You're a little skeptical about Karkat's convictions when it comes to his guardian's working habits, but you'd rather not risk having angry mobsters crawling around the apartment. The landlord is still pissed from you're last strife with Bro – it's not you're fault they have shitty windows – and you'd really rather not have to move. That shit sucks some major balls. 

You try to stand as casually as possible to mask the fact that you _really_ don't want him to go, but the moment that thought surfaces you shove it to the back of your mind. Nope. Not touching that shit right now. That shit is so untouched it's going to need years of counseling for the sheer amount of neglect. 

You beat him to the door, opening it for him while bowing majestically, twirling your hand with a flair. He snorts and smacks the back of your head while you're still down, and you make sure you're poker face is in check as you rise, your voice deadpan. 

"Easy, Karkrab, if you're going to be rough you should at least buy me dinner first." 

"Shut the fuck up, Strider, or I swear I will piss on everything you love." 

"Love you too, Karkitten." Karkat turns from where he's walking out the door to flip you off with both hands before stomping down the hall. You huff in quiet laughter to yourself, and you close the door softly and turn around to hOLY _SHIT-_

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" You most definitely do _not_ jump a foot in the air when you turn around to find Bro's face mere inches from your own. You jerk back, but you stop yourself and smooth your posture into something that doesn't resemble a startled cat. You can tell Bro isn't fooled from the way his lips are quirked into a smirk. 

"Close, but not quite. You can just call me Bro." You wait for him to say something else, but he just looks at you, scrutinizing you from behind his shades with his arms crossed over his chest. You're just about to risk a dash for your room when he speaks, his accent purposefully thick and drawling. 

"'Love you too, Karkitten'." 

"Oh my _God_." He doesn't even bother to try and stop you as you flashstep to your room, and you can still hear his ringing laughter long after you slam the door on his face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are you even surprised
> 
> i can't wait for the next chapter. and the chapter after that. Or the one after that.
> 
> Fuck. i love all these chapters. especially the ones i haven't written yet.
> 
> (pssst. thanks for all the comments gais. it makes me all aflutter and want to use the phrase blushu blushu and dance around in a field of daisies. 
> 
> ...
> 
> did you hear that pause? that was me opening a tumblr tab and forgetting I was trying to post a chapter for a half hour .~*\\(^-^)/*~. i am so smart)


	7. Nothing to Worry About

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yooooo new chapter

> OH SHIT.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]--

CG: DAVE.  
CG: DAVE FUCKING STRIDER, YOU ANSWER ME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.  
CG: I AM BEING COMPLETELY SERIOUS HERE.  
CG: WE NEED TO TALK.  
TG: but mom i swear it wasnt me i promise   
CG: DAVE.  
TG: yeah right sorry  
TG: what do you need   
TG: doctor strider is in the house  
CG: I'M SORT OF A TINY BIT FREAKING OUT OVER HERE.  
TG: wait what why  
CG: KANAYA HAS DECIDED THAT SHE WANTS TO CASH IN A FAVOR.  
TG: ...and?  
CG: SHE WANTS TO TALK TO ROSE.  
TG: but doesnt she do that like  
TG: every fucking day  
CG: IN PERSON, DUMBASS.  
TG: oh  
TG: shit  
TG: ok  
CG: ...  
CG: OK?  
CG: THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY ON THIS?  
TG: well what else would i do  
TG: i dont get why youre so worked up about this  
CG: MAYBE IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT SHE COULD HAVE ASKED FOR ANY NUMBER OF THINGS, LIKE BETTER CLOTHES OR THE MAKEOVER I KNOW SHE'S BEEN DYING TO GIVE ME.  
CG: AND INSTEAD SHE ASKS TO TALK TO ROSE.  
CG: DOESN'T THAT HAVE YOU WORRIED AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT?  
TG: nope  
TG: does your mind always jump to 'everything will go to shit' or are you just feeling emotional today  
CG: IT COMES WITH BEING A PESSIMIST, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH. IF IT'S CONCEIVABLE, RATIONAL OR OTHERWISE, YOU CAN BET MY SLOWLY DWINDLING SANITY I'VE THOUGHT IT AND A THOUSAND OTHER SCENARIOS JUST LIKE IT.  
TG: what a pleasant way to live  
CG: IT'S FUCKING FANTASTIC.  
TG: i dont get what you want me to do though  
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?  
TG: like why are you coming to me about all this  
TG: its not like i can do anything about it  
CG: BECAUSE MAYBE I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT I SHOULD DO IN THIS PARTICULAR CLUSTERFUCK OF A SITUATION?  
CG: IT'S NOT THAT DIFFICULT TO FIGURE OUT, DUMBASS, ESPECIALLY SINCE I JUST SAID I WAS FREAKING OUT THIRTY SECONDS AGO.  
TG: christ okay   
TG: first of all you need to calm down  
TG: just take a deep breath.  
TG: panicking is not going to help.  
CG: . . .  
TG: feeling better?  
CG: FUCK. YEAH. SURE.  
TG: good.  
TG: now explain to me exactly why youre freaking out about this.  
CG: I DON'T KNOW. WHAT I SAID EARLIER, AND ALSO  
TG: also??  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP I'M TRYING TO THINK.  
CG: ALSO, IT'S JUST THE FEELING I GET.  
CG: I'M JUST OVERALL UNEASY ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING.  
CG: I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT.  
TG: if you ask me you got nothing to worry about  
TG: theyll probably just trade some wizard porn or talk makeup or some shit idk  
CG: SHIT, YOU'RE RIGHT, I KNOW.  
CG: IT'S JUST, IT'S LIKE I'M NERVOUS ABOUT IT, AND I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY.  
CG: AND IT'S NOT EVEN A "LOSING CONTROL OF MY BODY FOR AN INDISCRIMINATE AMOUNT OF TIME" TYPE OF NERVOUS. THIS IS FULL OUT "FUCKING FUCK WHAT THE FUCK DO I FUCKING DO SOMEONE PLEASE FUCKING HELP ME" TYPE OF NERVOUS.  
TG: wait, hold up a sec  
TG: do you think that maybe youre getting that feeling from kanaya  
TG: maybe shes the one getting the panic butterflies and its leaking over to you  
CG: . . .  
CG: HOLY SHIT. DID DAVE STRIDER ACTUALLY USE HIS SINGULAR BRAIN CELL AND MAKE SENSE FOR ONCE?  
TG: ha ha ha  
TG: stfu  
TG: if thats the thanks i get for helping you then fuck  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, STRIDER.  
TG: yeah i know im just messing with you  
TG: so we good?  
CG: YEAH. WE'RE GOOD.  
CG: THANKS. I GUESS I WAS FREAKING OUT ABOUT NOTHING.  
TG: no problem  
TG: anything for a bro in need  
TG: so you gonna go through with it?  
CG: YEAH, I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.  
CG: IT'S NOT LIKE I WOULDN'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT IF I SAID NO, ANYWAY.  
CG: THAT CHICK HAS A WAY WITH WORDS.  
TG: i dont doubt it especially if shes chummy w/ rose  
CG: SPEAKING OF, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO MESSAGE HER.  
TG: yeah you go do that  
TG: talk to me when youre done tho im bored as fuck  
CG: UGH, FINE. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO WITH MY TIME.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

///

You're still a tiny bit freaking out.

It's impossible to tell whether the nerve-wracking anxiety is coming from you or from Kanaya, but honestly it doesn't make a difference at this point. Even after your multiple talks with Dave and you confirmed the date with Rose, you can't help the clenching in your gut whenever you think about it.

Not that the word "date" or any of it's connotations make you dizzy at all, nope, because that'd be fucking creepy and you're totally not into her that way because she's Rose and you really need to stop this train of thought before you throw up, haha. Ha.

What the fuck is even going on with you anymore.

You're currently sitting on the small porch of your house, eyes closed against the warmth of sunlight on your face. Kanaya finds it soothing as you both wait for Rose to show, and even if you're not the type of person who takes comfort in these type of things, you can't help but agree. Kanaya's eyes snap open as you hear the sound of shoes against cement, and once your eyes adjust to the sudden light change, your lips widen into a soft smile you can't control.

Kanaya rises, walking down the few step and toward the sidewalk with a sort of grace you thought was impossible for your body to achieve. You feel like you should be exuding Equius levels of sweat as Kanaya lightly takes Rose's offered hand and you feel your heart rise in your throat, the following motion too elegant to exactly be called a hand-shake. 

Okay, so this feeling _is_ from Kanaya, then.

Somehow that doesn't make you feel much better.

"Kanaya. It's nice to finally meet you in person." You're surprised for a second by the friendly tone of Rose's voice. It's not bad, it's just...weird. You can tell from the way Kanaya runs her tongue under her teeth that she didn't miss it, either.

"Likewise," she says, your voice coming out a lot softer and smoother than you've ever heard it. "I've been looking forward to it."

"Shall we be off, then?"

"Lead the way." You let your mind wander as they fall into step side by side, trying to pay attention to their conversation as little as possible so as to give them at least _some_ semblance of privacy. You'd offered to just let Kanaya take over completely, but when she remembered the terrible migraines you get after that happens she'd absolutely refused. Whatever you're doing, it seems to work, because before you know it you're sitting down at the small cafe/restaurant a couple blocks away from your house, choosing to stay in the outside area while the weather is so nice. You both sip at the drinks the waitress brings you, and you think she shoots you a strange look before she heads back inside, but it was so quick that you dismiss it. 

"I see you managed to convince Karkat to relinquish some control over his wardrobe." Rose motions towards the outfit Kanaya picked out specifically for this occasion, and you do the mental equivalent of a grumble as Kanaya laughs behind her hand.

"It came to be less work than I expected. The others had wishes for things of their own, and in the end he was outnumbered." It was true; all of them were clamoring for you to get something for them, and after a few days of this you'd finally thrown in the towel and had Jack go with you to the store. You would've gone by yourself, but you weren't going to risk someone taking over and taking advantage of your wallet.

In the end you'd gotten an eight-ball necklace for Vriska, a white cane with a dragon head on one end for Terezi, a pair of red-and-blue lensed glasses for Sollux and another pair of darker ones for Equius (which were cracked after the first few minutes he'd put them on), a skull bracelet for Aradia, a purple hipster scarf for Eridan (ugh), a headband with cat ears for Nepeta, some face paint for Gamzee, this white stuffed animal...thing that Tavros named 'Tinkerbull', Feferi wanted a pair of swimming goggles, and Kanaya had gotten her clothes. Needless to say, that had been the worst shopping trip you've ever been on. The look the cashier gave you was kind of hilarious, though.

Rose nodded, her lips quirked into a smile. "You've certainly done an excellent job." You can feel heat rise to your cheeks from Kanaya's blush, and she's saved from having to respond when the waitress comes to take their orders. Okay yeah, she definitely gave you a weird look this time. Is there something on your face?

You let your mind wander again as they continue with their meal, but with all the tastes from the food and both Kanaya's and Rose's laughter, it's a lot harder than last time. It helps that they mostly talk about things you're not really interested in, like the latest book in a series you know Kanaya's getting into, or some of the worst hairstyles they've seen lately. After a while of this they decide to split the bill, and Rose waits outside while Kanaya goes inside to pay. She finishes up at the cash register and is just about to leave when you feel a tap on your shoulder.

"Excuse me?" Somehow you're not surprised when you turn to see the waitress from before, shifting on her feet. "Sorry, but, do you go to Prospit High?" She leans back nervously as Kanaya looks her over, taking in her clothes and hair.

_'Karkat? Do you recognize this woman?'_

_'Never seen her before in my life.'_

Kanaya considers this a moment before responding. "One might say I have." The girl bites her lip, hesitating a moment as if she's not sure she should continue.

"You wouldn't be Karkat Vantas, would you?" Well. You certainly did not expect that. You get the uneasy feeling you know where she got your name. Kanaya doesn't respond for a while, and as the seconds tick by, the girl – Sandra, her name tag reads - grows more and more nervous, plucking at the end of her sleeves.

"And if I was?" Kanaya asks softly. Sandra just grows more nervous at this, smoothing out her black work apron in an attempt to keep her hands busy.

"It's just uh, my sister goes to Prospit, and there was a fight not too long ago that she took a video of and you kind of look like him, and um, I just-"

"You just what?" Sandra jumps at the sound of Rose's voice, and your lips tug into a smug smile of Kanaya's accord. Rose moves to stand beside you, arms crossed over her chest as she looks the waitress up and down with cold, violet eyes. "Please, do tell us."

"I don't know, I just, I wanted-"

"You wanted to get a look up close," Rose says, not waiting for her to attempt to stammer up an excuse. "To be able to get up to the cage and perhaps poke the monster behind the bars with a stick so you can go back to your friends and claim that you survived. Isn't that right?"

"N-No!" Sandra blushes and shakes her head furiously, but it's painfully obvious that Rose hit the mark. 

"Kanaya?" She doesn't turn to face you, keeping the waitress pinned to her spot with her gaze.

"Hmm?"

"Perhaps Karkat has a message for our friend?" Oh yes. Yes he does.

You relay it to Kanaya in great detail. She shakes her head slowly a few seconds in, a small laugh bubbling out from your chest.

"I don't quite believe I can do it justice."

"Then maybe it would be easier for him to relay it himself?"

"Yes," Kanaya says, closing her eyes. "I believe that would be best. Do excuse me for a moment." Rose nods, and she steadies you with a hand between your shoulder blades as you and Kanaya switch places, and you take a slow, deep breath before you open your eyes.

"Karkat. What a pleasure to see you here." 

"Fucking delightful," you say, and Sandra's eyes widen at your sudden change of voice. Rose must notice her reaction too, because her smile widens in a way that makes her look absolutely fucking _terrifying_ , and you have never been more glad that she's on your side. You turn your full attention back to the waitress, locking her eyes with yours.

And you _grin_.

If she didn't look like she was about to shit her pants before, she certainly does now. You clench and unclench your fists and chuckle softly, and you don't blame her when she takes a small step back. Rose rests a hand on your shoulder, reminding you that now is not the time to get violent. You take another breath, turning your planned volume down several decibels.

"Look," you say, your voice low and quiet with anger. "I'm going to lay this out for you nice and simple. Do you understand?" The waitress nods vigorously, too terrified to speak. "I. Am not. The bad guy here. I had literally _no control_ of the situation leading directly up to and during that fight. You might even go so far to say that I was – wait for it – a completely different person." Sandra looks so confused, you'd probably be laughing under different circumstances. "I'm not going to bother getting into details with someone I'm never going to see again because it's really none of your business. But if you still want to have a chat with the guy that _was_ responsible for almost killing your sister's classmate, I'm sure that can be mother fucking arranged." The girl pales at that. 

"I didn't fucking think so."

You roll your shoulders, cracking your neck side to side.

"I think I'm done now, Rose. See you later." 

"Until next time, Karkat. We really should talk more often." She moves the hand on your shoulder down to your back again, and you close your eyes to the dizzying sensation of slipping out of control of your body. It's Kanaya who opens them again, and she smiles sweetly at Rose, holding out a crooked arm.

"Well, that was interesting to watch. What do you say we head back, now?"

"Don't mind if I do." Rose replies, linking her arm with Kanaya's, and it feels oddly appropriate as they turn away from the confused and shaking waitress, walking back to your house arm in arm.

Later that night, you make sure to tell her exactly what you think.

\- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] - -

CG: THAT.  
CG: WAS FUCKING.  
CG: AMAZING.  
TT: Yes.  
TT: Yes, I do believe it was. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and then a broship was formed that would span across the reaches of the universe
> 
> these two really should talk more often


	8. What's in a Name?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, but i have a soft spot for this chapter, parts of which possibly may not make sense because i was writing the last parts of it sleep deprived. kind of like i am rn?? but.
> 
> nothing can convince me that Jack isn't the motherliest of hens. nothing. nope.
> 
> also, SymbOLLIssm

"Are you sure you have your phone?"

"Yes."

"Your charger, too? You don't want your phone to die and you get in an emergency, let me tell you that, kid."

"Yes."

"And the other's things? You didn't leave one of them at the house?"

"Jack."

"And you're toothbrush and toothpaste? Because let me tell you kid, you get some serious morning breath-"

"Jack, will you please _shut up_!" Jack chuckles, pulling over in front of your destination. You grumble and open the car door, and you sigh exasperatedly and roll your eyes when he motions for you to come over to his side of the car, rolling down the driver seat window.

"Hey, kid," he says. You grunt in response. "Don't fuck shit up." You scoff in mock offense.

"I would never." You're about to turn away when he calls after you again.

"Hold on a second, you little shit." You then proceed to 'hold on', but when he doesn't say anything for a moment you raise your hands and cock an eyebrow to say, ' _Well_?'

"You know you can call me if you need anything, right?" You roll your eyes again. "No, shut the fuck up and listen. I don't care what time it is or what I'm doing, if you need something I damn expect to get a call from you. I mean it, capiche?"

"Yeah, yeah, Jack. You're the perfect guardian. It's you."

"About damn time you realized it, too. Now scram." You turn to leave, but hesitate a moment, and make up your mind before turning back.

"Hey, Jack?"

"What?"

"Thanks." He “hmph”s in amusement.

"Don't mention it, kid. Now get going before I have to call your friends out." You wave as he drives away, the early evening sun shining off the hood of the car, turning back to the unfamiliar house. You adjust the straps on your bag where they rest on your shoulders, then walk up to the door and knock. A tall blonde woman opens the door, a martini glass in hand, and when she sees you she squeals.

_Squeals._

"Ohh, you must be Kitty Kat!" She giggles and leans down, her breath reeking of alcohol in a way that isn't entirely unpleasant, and she pinches your cheek with her free hand, then dragging you inside as if she had a hold on your wrist instead of your face. "You're the mental one, right?" Rose appears behind her, a pained look on her face. 

"Mother, please." You wave a hand at her dismissively, rubbing your cheek where the woman you recognize as Doctor Lalonde has finally let go in order to refill her empty glass.

"No, it's fine." Doctor Lalonde chortles at that, raising the martini glass violently enough that half of the liquid spills out of it.

"See, Rosey! Told you he would'n' care!" She then downs the rest of her drink, shambling off to another part of the house. Rose shoots a grimace at the empty space she occupied moments before.

"I apologize about her. I explicitly remember asking her not to answer the door, but it appears she has ignored my wishes once again." You're about to reply when a voice sounds behind you.

"Hi, Karkat!" You turn to see John, closely followed by Dave, coming from what looks like the living room.

"Sup," don't you do it, don't you fucking do it, "Kitty Kat." God damn it.

"I will shit on everything you love."

"Woah, thanks for the nice imagery there, but don't you think it's a bit early on in our relationship?"

" _Everything_. And it will be your fault." John laughs, smacking you on the shoulder.

"Oh my gosh, stop it you guys!" His grin widens impossibly. "I can't believe Jade is coming down for the summer!"

"Yes," Rose says, nodding. "It has been an incredibly long time since we've talked in person. Which is why we're all here; so we can meet her at the airport together tomorrow morning."

"Yeah! And her and Karkat can finally meet, too!" John nudges your shoulder with an elbow. "You guys are already friends on pesterchum, I'm sure you'll get along even better in real life!" 

"I _know_ that already, moron." He laughs again, dragging you all towards the couch to watch more of his horrible movies, and at the dinner table you're glad it's not just you that Doctor Lalonde finds the motivation to pinch cheeks for. She's hands down one of the strangest women you've ever met.

You sigh as you all finish and begin to clean up, but you know you need to say it or things can get really embarrassing tomorrow.

"I'm not sure if you guys know this, so I'll just say it anyway. It has to do with my disorder." 

They all show they're paying attention in their own little ways; Rose's lips quirk just slightly in encouragement as she throws away the paper plates, John's smile widens to show his wonky teeth, Doctor Lalonde hums as she stares into the liquid of her martini glass and swirls it in small circles, and Dave cocks his head ever so slightly to the left. You wonder what Jade does. 

"A lot of the time when I wake up I don't wake up as myself, so I brought their stuff so that you'll know if it's me or Eridan being the douchebag."

"Yeah, sort of figured that out last time when I woke up to Terezi yanking on my sheets." You scowl at Dave, but he just gives you a cocky smile. Asshole.

"You finally met Terezi?" Rose asks, her voice light with amusement. "How well did that go?"

"About as well as you'd expect," you growl. "She fucking licked him."

" _She what?_ " John chokes out, devolving into a fit of laughter. You kick his leg where he falls on the floor but that only seems to make him laugh harder.

"Yep," Dave says, netting his hands behind his head. "Said I tasted like memories, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean."

"I tasted the same mouthful that she did, and all I got was sweat and balls."

"And how do you know what balls taste like, young man?"

Rose interrupts you before you can make a retort.

"She said you tasted like 'memories'?"

"Yeah," Dave says. "Apparently she can taste and smell colors and shit.”

"Synesthesia..." She murmurs, almost to herself. "And you don't experience the same thing, Karkat?"

"Nope."

"Hmm..." 

John finally gets up from where he fell on the floor, wiping his eyes and taking stuttering breaths.

"I just- hehehe- I can't believe she -haha- _licked_ you!"

"Yeah," Dave says dismissively. "Bro still thinks we banged." All progress is lost as John virtually collapses again, and even Doctor Lalonde snorts a couple times as Dave rehashes the whole event. In great detail.

The whole thing. Especially the parts with Bro.

He even goes so far so as to repeat the whole almost-murdered-by-Dirk incident for Rose, and you include the bits before and after that Dave wasn't there for. Rose hums thoughtfully at this, and after a minute of you prodding she finally relents.

"Dirk is very skilled at what he does," she says. "I could count on one hand the people I know who can surpass him in skill, and half of those are simply because they have more resources available to them. The fact that Equius was able to fix a problem he could not is...surprising, to say the least." You shrug at that.

"Like I said to Dirk, I have no idea what the hell he did. You'd have to ask him."

She taps her chin thoughtfully, occasionally whispering things like, "Maybe...If he...Possible if..."

You tell them what to expect for various situations. Aradia, Kanaya, Feferi, Nepeta, and Tavros shouldn't be a problem, Vriska will probably flirt so please ignore her, _shut up Dave,_ Equius forgets his strength sometimes so keep that in mind when giving him shit, Gamzee is harmless as long as he doesn't see you as a threat, keep your distance from Terezi unless you want slobber all over your face, Eridan is a douche and whatever you do don't let Sollux near a computer.

John stands up – again – his face red. He then drags you all over to the console that the Lalondes have set aside especially for occasions like this, and you all proceed to have one of the best Mario Kart tournaments in your entire life.

///

"-on, you _can't not_ have a favorite movie! There has to be at least one."

"Nope, I- oh! KARKAT'S AWAKE!" Your voice rings out loud and high, exceptionally so in the quiet morning, and you can tell you're not the only one who thinks so as you see Dave flinch where he sits at the table, Rose and John watching amused..

"Sorry." You – no, Feferi – whisper sheepishly, and you realize that you've woken up in the middle of a conversation. You wonder how it started out.

_'Good morning starfish!! 38)'_

_'How do you do the emoticons in your head, Jesus fuck.'_

_'It's a talent!!! 3X)'_

_'Great. Now that I'm up, let's switch.'_

_'No. 38l'_

Wait.

_'What?'_

Feferi twirls a finger in the air, putting a pouty expression on your face and God that feels weird.

"Karkat wants me to move over but that's not happening! I want to sea Jade just as much as he does!"

"Oh?" Rose says, sipping at the cup in her hands. "I suppose you've talked to her before, then?"

"For shore!" Feferi says, and you mentally wince at her use of the pun. "Me and Jade are best gillfronds, she said so hershellf!" Oh God, the puns. Somebody kill you now. Rose smiles sympathetically, as if she can feel your pain.

"You won't have to wait long, Feferi, Karkat. We leave in half an hour."

Soon enough, Doctor Lalonde shuffles into the kitchen, grabbing a glass from the cabinet and pouring something in from the fridge.

"You sure you should be drinking and driving, Mama 'londe?" Dave asks, but he says it with a tilt that suggests he knows what she's going to say.

"You know this is jus' water, Davey," she says, sniffing the air as if she was offended. "I am a mature and responsible adult." She pops in two Advil before heading back to where you guess her room is, probably off to get dressed. Thankfully, you all already are, and within the next ten minutes all of you are shuffled into Doctor Lalonde's car, heading towards the airport. Feferi talks almost non-stop, about what you have no fucking clue, but the others bear it with the patience worthy of saints.

Thankfully, the drive to the airport doesn't take long, and soon enough you're all waiting outside of Jade's gate. After what feels like a lifetime of waiting, the plane lands, and people start pouring out. All you see is a glimpse of black hair and glasses and you're running, and Feferi is barreled into a girl you're sure you've never seen before, hugging her tightly.

"Jade! You look so much better than your picture!!" Oh. Of fucking course they traded pictures. The girl you assume is Jade giggles brightly, taking her sudden attack in stride and hugging Feferi tighter.

"Really? I feel the same as when I took it! It's probably just the light, Fef." The two of them giggle together, and you don't get what's so damn funny, but eventually they untangle themselves from each other and you finally get a good look at her. 

She looks a lot like John, actually, when it comes down to the shape of her face and even her teeth when she smiles. Her dark hair falls in a disarray around her shoulders, and round glasses that would be painful to look at on anyone else but just seem to fit on her frame her green eyes.

"Karkat says hi!"

_'Lies. Now tell her what I really fucking said.'_

"Uggh, _fine_ ," she says out loud, puffing out her cheeks. "What Karkat reely said is 'It's about cod damn time you showed up, Harley, I was afraid I was going to have to put in the effort to go down to the morgue and identifying your sorry bass.'" Jade wraps her arm around your neck and drags you into a noogie that Feferi tries half-heartedly to wriggle out of.

"Aww, it's okay, buddy, you didn't need to worry about me! I promise air travel is one of the safest methods!" Fuck. Jade Harley, ladies and gentlemen, seeing through the bullshit that is Karkat Vantas once again.

The rest of your group finally catch up to where you are, and Jade squeals and throws herself at each one of them in turn, even Doctor Lalonde. 

"Ohmygosh Jade, it's been forever!" John says, throwing an arm around her shoulder as they drag her bags toward the car. "You've gotten tan!"

"Three years and twenty-six days," Jade recites, breaking into a grin. "I've been to so many places, John, you wouldn't believe..." Jade continues on to talk about the various places she's visited, and all of the wildlife and the cultures she's experienced. Somehow Feferi manages to talk just as much as she did last time, even more if it's possible, and you find yourself drifting off again before everything snaps into place.

"-and I'm sitting there thinking just glubbing do it already, cod! But then, he...goes and...takes...the..." Blink. "Holy shit, that girl can talk."

"Karkat!" Jade manages to twist around the seat belt and hug you even harder than she did Feferi, and for some reason that makes you feel a bit better.

"Harley- gack!- Jade, I can't breathe!" She giggles and lets you go, and you rub the hinges of your jaw with one hand as you take the small swimming goggles off from where they're hanging around your neck..

"There needs to be a law against talking that much, this is a medical fucking issue."

"It wasn't that bad!" Jade says.

"Yeah, it was pretty terrible."

"Daave!"

"Sorry, princess, I tell it like it is." She sticks her tongue out at him, and in a moment all of you are laughing.

In that moment, everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.

Obviously, it's a first for you.

When you get back to Lalonde's, Jade demands that each of you close your eyes before giving you a present.

For Strider, she asks Rose to bring out a long, thin box that she apparently mailed a month ago but only arrived in the last couple of days. Inside is a brand katana, it's blade glinting sharply, and from the way Dave handles it and the look of awe on his face, it's much more than just a piece of art. Jade tells him she had it custom made from one of the best sword-smiths in the world by calling in a favor he owed to her Grandpa, and that she was even able to help make pieces of it herself, pointing to various parts with nimble fingers as she gives him special care instructions.

For Rose, she brings out a small, black book, each page filled with extensive information on the culture of a tribe with _extremely_ reclusive tendencies that only allowed her to write a single word down after a two-week long initiation process. (She only has a few scars, so it's okay!!!) Rose can't seem to put it down.

For John she scored a foreign dub of Con Air in a language who's name they couldn't even pronounce, and it promises to be so incredibly horrible and brilliant at the same time that John nearly shits himself.

She produces a small bottle of a drink that she says the process to make is only known by a few people now for Doctor Lalonde, and her whoops of triumph nearly deafen you all.

She even brought a small photo album for Feferi, filled with personally taken pictures of wildlife ranging from the Savannah to the Rainforest to the Arctic. You know she'll be frothing at the mouth by the second page.

You were honestly surprised when she told you to close your eyes, but you complied anyway. You felt her place something small and thin in your hands, and when she finally voiced her consent and you opened your eyes, you had to blink a couple times to make sure you were actually seeing right. 

In your hand is a bracelet made of black, braided leather, an adjustable knot on one end. On the other is a small chunk of smooth amber the shade of warm ale, the cracks inside creating thousands of fractals of reflected light. In the center lay a small red flower, the petals curling slightly counter-clockwise, and it looks so delicate that you're almost afraid to breathe on it wrong.

"That flower in the middle is really super rare; rare enough that it doesn't even have a proper scientific name," Jade explains as you slowly turn it over in your hands. "I had to try three times before I finally got it to set in the amber right. The first time I crushed it in my fingers before I even got the amber heated; it took me forever to find the next one! After that I spilled the amber on accident, and by the time I got the next batch up the flower was already wilted. I finally got this one right, though." She brushes her fingers over where the amber meets your skin.

"The legend says that once there was a man who lived in a world of war and cruelty, who dreamed of a time where all prospered and thrived off of each other's strengths instead of taking advantage of another's weakness." She speaks softly, her eyes distant. "He preached of his visions to anyone who would listen, and soon, listen they did. In the end it was his downfall.

"Their Queen, their Dictator, had him captured and tortured where everyone could witness his pain, but a high Goddess took pity on him and blessed his blood where it fell upon the earth. The man died, cursing those who could not understand, but even after those who mourned him were long dead, the blood he shed bloomed and gave life." She pauses a moment. "Do you believe in ghosts, Karkat?" You don't answer, but from the way she continues you know she didn't expect you to.

"I was farther up the mountain than I'd been before without a guide, but I knew that if I turned back that I wouldn't be able to find another flower for a long time. It was snowing really heavy, and I couldn't see more than five feet ahead of me. I knew I was starting to get into some serious trouble, and I needed to find shelter fast. I was really just about to turn back when I saw it. Bright, crimson red." You shiver, not really understanding why. "At first I thought it was the flower, but when I got closer it disappeared. Then I saw another one, just ahead, but it was the same with that one, too. It kept happening, though; I would see one, get closer, then see another one. After a while I finally realized what they were. Blood drops. It was like a trail of blood, leading me somewhere.

" I couldn't turn back, and if I didn't find shelter soon I'd probably die from the cold, so I just decided to follow them. Eventually I got to a cave, and I ducked inside. It was so dark, at first I didn't understand what I was seeing. But once my eyes adjusted, I realized, the floor was covered with them. Hundreds of tiny red flowers. They gave off the weirdest smell. It was sweet, but bitter at the same time. Then I knew. I didn't just find the cave on accident. The man led me there. The man from the legend." She flashes you a smile.

"The locals call the flower Seer's Blood. It's said to heal all wounds." You're trembling by then, and she silently helps you strap it on to your wrist.

You vow never to take it off.

The Con Air dub turns out to be just as horrible as your worst nightmares had envisioned, and the voice acting was so terrible, different language aside, that every time someone tried to repeat a phrase you all cracked up in laughter. Later in the afternoon you all decided to go the the fast-foodiest fast food place for Jade's sake, and you end up at McDonalds. You spend ten minutes debating on what to order before Strider says "fuck it" and gets two orders of the 50 Chicken McNuggets and fifteen orders of large french-fries. 

An odd part of you feels like you're floating.

Maybe it's indigestion.

You spend the night again, because that's what you all planned on fuckdammit, and when you wake up the next day you find that it's one of those rare mornings where you do so as yourself. You walk into the kitchen still half asleep.

"Which one we got this time?" You scowl at Dave and spear pancakes onto your plate.

"You're stuck with your regularly broadcasted Karkat, sorry for the inconvenience."

"And here I was hoping I could get to meet that Eridan character you speak so fondly of." You nearly choke on the bite of food you were taking.

" _No,"_ you say after the coughing subsides. Fucking ridiculous. " _Never_. I hope you guys never get to have the misfortune of crossing paths with that douchebag. He's on a completely different level of asshole than me, you don't even understand."

"Wait, you mean he's _actually_ more of an asshole than you? Okay, that's it, now I have to meet him. This meeting is set in fucking stone."

"You know what? Fine. I give up," you say, throwing your hands in the air in defeat. "I'm sure you'll meet him eventually, but don't blame me when your IQ score dives down by about a hundred points." 

You all go your separate ways not too long after that, Jade leaving with John, and Dave heading back to his apartment, Doctor Lalonde giving you each a goodbye pinch on your cheek. It wouldn't surprise you if you develop a bruise because damn, that chick is merciless.

You could get used to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh jade. i find it sad that I wrote this just before your supposed perma-death. and maybe slightly ironic?
> 
> also. hey. hey. unforgettableCanine. yes you. 
> 
> your part is up next :D maybe i'll have to upload the next chapter a bit early so you don't have to wait a whole week, hmm........
> 
> also, you guys should really check out the comments in a lot of the chapters. There's a bunch of extra side information that I don't get into in the notes that you'll probably find interesting!


	9. Welcome to the Bright Fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> special guest OC in this chapter yeah :D
> 
> also this chapter is based almost completely off of me nd my friends going to the fair. almost all of this happened irl. just so you know.

“Remind me why I let you drag me into this, again?” you groan as the security guard hands you your bag, ushering you through the gates as you shrug it back over your shoulder.

“Because you love me and you have no life,” Dave says, waving to where you see John and Jade sitting at a table. 

“You got half of that right,” you say as Jade jumps up, waving back enthusiastically as she grabs John by the wrist and runs over to meet you. She immediately throws herself at you and Dave, hugging you both with a crushing strength, and you endure as best as you can until she decides she's had her fill of hugs. You quickly learned one thing about Jade: she has no notion of personal space, and it's best to just ride it out. Maybe that's why she gets along with everyone so well, you think; because she just brushes right past any personal barriers someone may have and won't take no for an answer. 

Jade leans back, bouncing on her feet, a huge grin cemented on her face. “What took you guys so long? I thought you would never get here!”

“Don't blame me. Crabs here took his sweet time whining about how much he didn't want to come.”

“Fuck you, Strider,” you say, flipping him off with the hand that Jade isn't hanging off of. “And there's no need to be so excited, Harley. It's just the fair. From what you've said you've been to places a lot more exciting than this shithole.”

“But it's not the saaame!” Jade says, and she pulls you both forward before turning around and grabbing your right hand and Dave's left with a vice-like grip. “Come on, I thought I saw a petting zoo earlier!” She walks forward at a brisk pace, swinging her arms back and forth between you two with an enthusiasm that you thought most people grew out of by now. Dave holds his free hand out towards John, his face blank.

“Come on man, don't be left out. Join the friendship circle. Join us. One of us. One of us. One of us.” Jade joints in with the chanting until John gives in, laughing.

“Okay, okay already! You guys are so lame!”

“John, you wound me,” Dave says, his voice thick with hurt. You roll your eyes. “I think I might even cry. Do you see what you've done?”

“Laaaaaaaame!” You stop in your tracks, and they all jerk to a stop in succession, sending you confused looks.

“John,” you say. “Was that eight syllables I just heard?”

“I... guess?” John says, sounding confused.

“I'm begging you here,” you say. “Please tell me you have not been talking with Serket.”

“Oh, haha...” he says awkwardly. “...No?”

“Goddammit, John,” you say, letting Jade tug you forward again as you all continue to walk. “Of all of them, Vriska has to be pretty fucking high on the list of Should Not Be Talking To!”

“What, she's not _that_ bad!” John says from the other side of the chain.

“Whatever, just take this as an official warning. Watch your back around her.”

“I think you've got her all wrong, but I'll be careful.” You're stopped from saying anything else as Jade squeals so loud it sounds more like a scream, and she breaks contact with you to barrel towards a pen that smells like hay and farm animals.

“Holy crap guys, they have a baby deer!” Jade practically shoves her money into the hands of the guy running the pen in order to get inside, and she proceeds to pet all the animals she can get her hands on.

Every. Single. One.

You visit all of the animal attractions first for Jade's sake, and she “ooh”s and “aah”s the whole way through. She has a blast talking with the parrots in chirps and rasps, much to the amusement of other families within hearing range. Eventually you get to a corner dedicated to insects, and when you see the thing that the handler has in his hands you nope the fuck out of there and into the sun.

“Aw, c'mon Karkat, the little guy's not gonna hurt you!” Jade says as the scorpion crawls over her hands. “It's fun!”

“Fuck no! I'm not going anywhere near that devil spawn!” You say, ignoring the dirty looks some parents shoot you.

“It's okay, Karkat, I understand.” You eye Dave suspiciously. “If it stung me, it might even hurt!”

“Oh, fuck you!” 

At one point Dave manages to snag an innocent bystander into taking a picture with the camera he brought along, and by the time she's done the girl looks so confused, and Dave and John high-five. 

When you find a game booth where you have to shoot a red star completely off of the paper, Jade insists that she give it a try. You're extremely doubtful; these things are rigged for failure from the start. The sights on the gun are more than likely off, and if you're not careful you can shoot your whole supply of bullets in two seconds and not even get one on the paper. Jade handles it all with a grim determination, though, weighing the machine in her hands before resting the butt against her shoulder, and she shoots.

You're all speechless as the vendor brings forward the paper, and Jade immediately points to the bass guitar that she wants. The others in charge of the whole affair make a big fuss over it, asking her to sign the hole-pocked paper and taking a picture.

Hours pass in blurs, the setting sun painting the sky indigo with splashes of orange as a background to a flurry of endless junk food and rides. You've walked more today than you have the past couple of weeks combined, and your feet hurt like they've been rolled over by a truck and then beaten by a mallet while you're forced to watch, but if you cared any less then Jade would probably yell at you for breaking the laws of physics. Between the fucking fried Oreos and pink lemonade you're stuck with a volley of enthusiasm and jokes and you have no idea what to do with yourself so you just... let them pull you along in their wake. 

And then you find yourself alone.

You're not _actually_ alone, you're surrounded by literally hundreds of people, but you're quickly finding that that is the fucking issue.

You must've lost track of them somehow, because you can't see them or even hear them. What the fuck is wrong with you, you were right next to them! Arrgh, how could you be such an idiot.

You glance nervously around you, a feeling of being lost slowly creeping up on you as you search the writhing crowd for a familiar face. Anxiety clenches in your gut and threatens to choke you because fuck this is a lot of people, why are there so many people why are they getting closer fuck fuck them for existing fuck you for coming here and getting lost why are they getting even closer ffuuuuuck now here comes the hyperventilating why is it so hard to breathe _oh right_ because you are trapped in an endless sea of people with no way out and they're closing in on you ever so slowly. A distant part of you recalls that this is what suffocating feels like but you're too busy trying not to flip the fuck out to notice and oohhh fuck you are so fucked you really need Dave where's Jade and John why did Rose have to go to that stupid fucking knitting lesson her mom signed her up for you can't-

You don't react physically to the hand on your shoulder, but inside you've gone through your whole vocabulary of insults in two seconds flat. 

“Hey, are you okay?” You turn slightly to take in the girl who spoke, and the first thing you notice is that she's a good inch shorter than you, which is something you don't see often outside of middle schools. Her clear gray-borderline-blue eyes look back at you concernedly from behind chin-length light brown hair, and your first instinct is to tell her yes, you're fine. _How stupid can you get, Vantas,_ you think to yourself, because no, you're not fine at all, and you let her know with a shake of your head that you hope gets your level of “please get me out of here” across because you can't seem to find your voice at the moment. She nods, an expression of understanding showing on her face before she says a quick “over here” and directs you away from the thick of the crowd and towards a relatively deserted corner, and you sit down on a bench in front of the wall. Fingers shaking, you draw your music player out of your bag, closing your eyes as you shove the earphones into your ears and rest your head in your hands.

You focus completely on the instrumental music, dissecting the separate beats and picking out the different background instruments. It sharpens your mind, cutting off the static floating in the background of your thinking. You don't know why it helps; it just does. Three full songs and a little more than ten minutes later, you pull your earphones out, and are surprised to see the girl from before sitting next to you, her attention on the people passing by. Her gaze shifts to you and she breaks into a wide smile when you clear your throat awkwardly.

“Thanks for doing that.”

“No problem!” she says brightly. “You seemed to be in a bit of a pickle so I thought I'd help you out.” She seems to be content with continuing talking as you nod your head, so you let her. “I help my cousin out at the hospital where he works when I'm not volunteering at the animal shelter, so I know all the signs for a panic attack and stuff. My name's Zala,” she tacks on at the end, as if it doesn't even matter what her name is. “Pretty weird name, huh?”

“Not as weird as Karkat,” you say, your voice not as shaky as you'd thought it would be. “You can join me in the 'weird name club'. Meetings are every Wednesday and Friday, sponsored by parents who didn't know what they fuck they were doing.” She laughs, high and clear, and you can't help the small smile that forms on your lips in response.

“You here with friends?” she asks, looking around even though she has no idea what you're friends look like or if you even have any.

“Yep,” you nod, “And I had to go and lose them like a fucking idiot. What about you?” you ask, gesturing towards her. 

“Yeah,” she says, scrunching up an eye and her nose into an expression that you recognize as a mix of exasperation and confusion that you've made more than once in the past. “At first I was going to come by myself, because working with people who don't know what the hell they're talking about all day is really stressful and I could use some time to myself for once, y'know?” You nod sympathetically to let her know that yes, yes you know, god do you fucking know. “And when Steve finds out that I'm going he insists that he comes with me and uses some 'it's not safe to go alone' excuse. Please, like I don't know how to protect myself! And what's even worse is that he's been acting like a complete asshole lately! And not to me, never. To me he's all Mr. Chivalry and Good Intentions but I feel like he's just pretending to try to stay on my good side. But what makes it even worse is that this isn't even a new thing. These last couple of years he's just gotten worse and worse, hanging out with these genuinely awful people and trying to control me like I'm some.. toy!” Her voice rises steadily, her face getting slowly redder, when suddenly it softens into something small and sad. “But the hardest part is remembering who he used to be. The sweet kid who would always go out of his way to help people. That was the guy I was friends with.” She sighs. “Maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time letting him go. I have this image of who he used to be and even though I can see who he is now perfectly it's like there's a war going on in my mind. Like, maybe, if I wait a little longer, I can save him and everything can go back to the way it was before.” She sighs deeply again, but this time her face flushes into a blush and she smiles at you, embarrassed.

“I'm sorry, here you are having a rough time and I'm just unloading this on you.”

“No, it's fine,” you say, shaking your head. “I understand how it feels, having two completely different ideas of someone in your head. It's one sorry clusterfuck of a situation.”

“Really?” she says. “Do you want to talk about it? I mean, if you don't mind...” It's your turn to sigh this time, and you rub the back of your neck as you try to figure out what to say.

“It's complicated, which is a really fucking cliché thing to say but there it is. And not in the usual ways either, which makes it even more difficult and awkward to explain, especially out of context like this. It's just... I don't know how to explain this so that it makes sense without giving you my whole fucking back story, so try not to laugh and just go with it, okay?” She nods. You wonder if you should really be telling this to a total stranger, but it's not like you have anyone else to go to. Rose is definitely a no seeing as how she's the source of the fucking problem, Dave is her brother witch is an instant _fuck no_ , John would give it away the next time he talked and Jade would just encourage it all to happen. So, might as well.“I'm friends with this girl, right?” Zala's smile widens. “No, shut up. This isn't funny. I'm friends with this girl, and she has to be one of the smartest girls I've ever met. She's quick, she's intelligent, and she's fucking terrifying when she wants to be. She always has my back and she's really helpful when it comes to certain...problems.” You don't know why you're hesitant to tell her the whole thing, but whatever the case you find yourself skipping over that little detail of split personalities. “She's honestly one of the best friends I've ever had. Then again, she's literally one of the only friends I've ever had, but that's beside the point. And that's really all I see her as. A friend. And this is where things get really confusing.” You stop to collect your thoughts, trying to figure out how to phrase this right.

“But there's this other part of me that makes it so sometimes when I see her I get butterflies in my stomach and my hands sweat and all that bullshit. And I know that that part loves her, like true bona fide holding-hands-in-the-rain love. But I don't feel that way at all! It's confusing and frustrating and I have no fucking clue what to do about any of this!” You stop to catch your breath, and Zala processes everything with a carefully blank look on her face. When she sees that you're not going to continue, she looks like she's trying to decide whether to say something or not before shrugging.

“Well,” she says. “Have you tried masturbating?” You splutter at the question, and it quickly turns into a coughing fit. She pats your back sympathetically.

“What the fuck!” You say when you can finally speak again. She shrugs again, a sly smile on her lips, and you bury your face in your hands. “No. Just. No. That would not help at all in any way shape or form, just. Uggh, no, we're not talking about this right now.”

“Hey, I'm just sayin'.” She says, her voice light as she tries to hold back laughter and fails, clutching her stomach. “I'm sorry, I just, I couldn't resist! Ha ha ha ha!” She breaks out into more giggles, and you grumble at her as you cross your arms over your chest. After a minute of this, she finally sits up, wiping at her eyes. “To be serious, though-”

“Yo, Vantas.” You jump at the unexpected voice, but when it finally registers who it was you turn around and punch Dave hard on the arm. “Missed you too, babe.”

“Fuck you, Dave!”

“Really? Right in front of your new lady friend? I didn't know you were into that kind of thing.” He ignores your growl of frustration. “What happened to you, anyway? One second we're debating the wonders of post-rollercoaster barf and the next we're short one angry Karkat.”

“How the fuck am I supposed to know? It was probably just my amazing attention span doing it's job.”

“Are you sure you're alright, man?” Dave says, adjusting his shades on his nose in a way that you've learned means he's thinking about something especially hard. Odd. “You look a little off, no offense.”

“People,” you say, throwing your hands into the air. “Crowds. They freak me the fuck out sometimes.”

“Oh shit,” Dave says, a realization evident in his voice. “Is that why you didn't want to come?”

“Yeah, whatever,” you say dismissively. “I'm fine, don't worry about it.”

“From my perspective you weren't looking 'fine', Karkat.” You scowl at Zala, and she frowns at you in return. “If it was bad enough that you couldn't move to the point where I almost had to drag you out of there then it's not healthy to ignore it.”

“You helped him out?” Dave asks, raising an eyebrow above his shades.

“Yeah,” she says, a smile returning to her face. “I saw him start to panic so I thought I should probably at least try to help.”

“Thanks, bro,” Dave says, holding out a fist. “Dave Strider, at your service.” Zala bumps his fist with hers instantly, her smile wide. 

“Zala Rainer, likewise.” You roll your eyes.

“Hey, Z!” Zala curses under her breath at the voice behind you, and you think it sounds vaguely familiar, and then you feel immediately uneasy when you notice the way Dave's tensed beside you. “Where'd you run off to, I've been looking all over for-” He cuts off when he sees you, his eyes growing wide as he takes a couple steps back from where he'd been running before they clench in anger, and you're really tempted to do the same because,

he's one of the guys from the park.

You're about to do just that when Dave places a hand on your shoulder, and a little bit of the tension that's pulling your muscles taut leaks out of you, and you realize you're trembling.

“Z, what are you doing?!” The guy says, bringing a fist up in a way that's obviously supposed to look threatening. “Do you know who he is?! Get away from that fucking freak!” Dave's hand tightens momentarily on your shoulder, and you can practically taste his anger as it radiates from him, and a flash of fear shoots through you when you realize he's about to step forward because you don't know who will take over if a fight breaks out. But someone else steps in front of you instead.

“ _Excuse_ me?” Zala says, her fists balled at her side. “I know _exactly_ who he is! His name is Karkat, and he's been a better person in twenty minutes than you've been in three years! No,” she says when Steve looks like he's about to speak, his face red. “Don't you _dare_ talk to me right now! I know who he is and what he did. I always thought that the stories sounded fishy, especially the ones from you. And you know what? I was right. There's no way Karkat just attacked Michael like everyone's been saying he did! He's nice and he listened to me, a total stranger, which is more than you've done for anyone for a long time!” She steps forward, bringing a finger up accusingly as tears start to streak down her face, but her voice stays strong and steady as she continues. “You've been playing with me like I'm some, some _toy_ that you can pick up and put down whenever you feel like it! You've tried to tell me who I can and can't be friends with and kept me from actually having a life. And you know what the worst part is?” she asks, and her voice lowers to a quiet whisper as she steps up face to face with Steve, who's pinned to the spot by her piercing gaze. “You made me feel like I was the one doing something wrong. You made me feel guilty whenever I wanted to do something for myself. And you know what? I am done. I am so fucking done with your BULLSHIT!” She jabs him hard in the chest with her finger, her voice rising to a shout it the space of one word, and he stumbles backwards. “I am DONE feeling guilty, you dick! I will love and be friends with whoever the hell I want, and there is nothing you can fucking do about it! So get the fuck out of here you pile of shit!” She closes the space between them with a few strides of her legs, grabbing the chest of his shirt into a fist and pulling him down so that he's forced to look directly in her eyes.

“And if I ever see you around me or my friends again,” she says, her voice terrifyingly bright and friendly as she smiles. “I will fuck you up.” She shoves him away and he stumbles backward again, managing to look angry and scared at the same time, and practically runs in the opposite direction. Dave does a slow clap, whistling his praise.

“That was amazing. The tears were a nice touch.”

“Thanks,” she says, walking back towards you and wiping at her eyes. “The crying wasn't on purpose, though. I can't really control that, but I guess it does help, huh?” This time when she smiles it feels a lot more menacing.

“Zala Rainer, you are one evil chick,” Dave says approvingly. “I like you.”

You sit down hard on the bench with a shaky breath, cradling your head in your hands, all the adrenaline that was pumping through your veins leaving you all at once. Dave is next to you in an instant, and you're almost ashamed at how much his hand on your back makes you feel better.

Almost.

“Bro, you alright? This Karkat?”

“Yes. Fuck,” you say, your voice shaking. “Just. Close. Not expecting. Fuck.” The sentence you'd wanted to say comes out broken and disjointed, but he must've understood because he's squatting in front of you and waits until you look up at him to say anything.

“Hey,” he says, his voice sober. “If he showed up, I would've stopped him. You know that, right?”

“That's exactly the point,” You say, and oh look you found your voice again. “I don't want you to get in the middle of it and him hurt you!” You've had dreams about this; nightmares where you beat your friends to death, or pulled them apart at the seams as they begged you to please Karkat, stop. There's been too many mornings where you've woken up with the smell of blood lingering in the back of your throat, and you've slowly come to realize that this is a very, very real fear for you: hurting your friends.

You know from the way his mouth has set into a firm line at your words that he's not going to budge, and it makes you want to scream. 

“I don't know if you noticed, but I'm a fast little fucker. I'll be fine. You don't need to worry about that anymore.” You don't think you'll stop worrying for a very long time, but you sigh in defeat anyways.

“Fine, if only because I know I can't stop you. Just... promise you won't go easy on him.”

“The thought never crossed my mind,” Dave says, but he isn't as good a liar as he thinks he is. He stands up, the place where his hand was a cold spot on your back, and pulls out his phone. You look over to Zala where she's looking at you curiously, but she doesn't say anything about it.

“Why didn't you say you knew?” You ask, because now that her words have finally had the time to register you really want to know the answer. She shrugs.

“It didn't matter. Michael was always a jerk to me, too. Plus, I figured you're pretty tired of hearing about it by now.” She's right, though. Sometimes it feels like everything revolves around the incident that happened more than a month ago. She lets out an “Oh!” and reaches into a small bag that you hadn't noticed until now, pulling out a marker.

She gestures for you to hold out your hand, and you do so slowly, narrowing your eyes in suspicion. She grabs it, pulling up your sleeve to show the skin by your wrist, and carefully writes something there before she lets you go and you squint your eyes at the neat blue lettering.

“If you still want to talk you can find me on Pesterchum,” she says, shoving the marker in her pocket. You wonder why she even has it in the first place. “I'm usually online.” She starts to walk backward, waving. “I should probably get going so I can still squeeze in some me-time before I have to leave. Bye, guys!” She turns around after you wave, feeling slightly dumbfounded, and walks around the corner and out of sight. You turn back to Dave to see him still on his phone.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Texting John and Jade to tell them I found you,” he says, and he puts it back in his pocket in a way that makes you think if it was a fliphone he would have snapped it closed dramatically. “Come on, I want to show you something.” You follow him as he sweeps his head side to side, obviously searching for something, when he suddenly turns to his right, stopping in front of this wide chair-thingy that you've seen scattered across the fair grounds. 

“What the fuck is this?” You ask, waving a hand at the chair. Dave makes a shocked gasp, covering his mouth with a hand, and you roll your eyes.

“You mean you've never used one of these? You poor, depraved child.” Before you realize what he's doing he's shoved you down in the chair, and you try vainly you push yourself back up.

“What are you doing, asshole!”

“Shh,” Dave says, bringing a quarter out of his pocket. “I am about to show you Heaven. You can thank me later.” And then he slips it into the slot.

“Fucking-!” You jump in surprise as the metal plates where your feet suddenly vibrate, and then practically melt into the seat. “Holy flying fuck it's like an orgasm for my feet.” Dave does this little smile that seems different from his normal smirks, and sits down into the seat next to yours, starting it up.

“I don't know how you've managed to survive for so long without using one of these. They're like one of the best parts of the fair.” You both sit in silence for the time that the quarter allows you to, and when it's over you stand up and wait for Dave to do the same. You're surprised when you find that your feet don't hurt any more, but you're not about to complain.

“Was it really that obvious?” You ask as he continues to walk again. Was your discomfort really that easy to read?

“Nah, it was just a guess,” Dave says. You think about that for a second. Maybe Dave isn't the only one who's learned how to read the other. When you think about that your chest does this weird clench-y thingy-

Your thoughts are cut off when a weight barrels into your side, nearly bowling you over. “Karkat you fuckass, you had me worried!” You pat Jade on the shoulder awkwardly when you regain your balance, and she shoots you a glare over her glasses. “Don't do that again!”

“Yeah, sorry...” You say as she lets you go. “It's not like I did it on purpose.” 

“Well, I'm glad we found you,” John says, running up behind Jade, panting slightly. “Now we can do the tradition!”

“Tradition?” You ask, raising an eyebrow.

“It's a tradition for the ferris wheel to be the last ride we go on,” Jade says. “It's just not the same if we don't do it!”

“Well fuck, lead the way,” you say, and Jade bounces all the way to the ride. You end up getting three extra turns around.

When you get home at eleven-thirty that night, your feet are back to hurting again, and you open the door to see Jack's poker buddies sitting at the table. You grunt a greeting as you drop your bag by the door.

“How was the fair, Karkat?” Clubs asks as you shuffle into the kitchen. Jack must have told him where you were. 

“Loud, smelled like shit, and the food had enough grease that I wouldn't be surprised if I have a heart attack in the middle of the night.” You grab a water bottle from the fridge. “I had a good time.” 

“Anything happen?” Jack eyes you from behind a handful of cards as you walk back out. 

“People were being idiots and there was an occasional asshole here and there, but that's to be expected. I didn't need the bag, if that's what you're asking.”

“Good,” Jack grunts, turning his attention back to the cards in his hand. “Now go to your room, it's past your bedtime.”

“Yes, mom,” you say as you walk to your room. You can hear Hearts laugh from the table as you retreat.

“Your kid's still a sarcastic little shit, Spades. I hope that never changes.” Jack's response is cut off as you close the door to your room, and you make a quick detour to your computer before flopping down on the bed, where you fall asleep within seconds.

\- unforgettableCanine [UC] has accepted your friend request! - -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope i did ok. did i do ok? was I IC? Did i get her completely off i did didn't I ;_; oh well i hope it's not too bad
> 
> credit for Zala goes to unforgettableCanine :D ! Even if i did write her off she was really fun to write ^_^ (nd she may appear again who knows....)
> 
> I also put little updates on tumblr involving my writing stuff in the tag "pinky writes" if ur interested.


	10. We All Saw This Coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaha short chapter but oh well
> 
> we all knew this would happen

CG: AND THEN I GOT TO THE PART WHERE YOU FIND OUT SHE TOOK THE HERBS.  
CG: SHE TOOK THE FUCKING HERBS.  
CG: IT MADE ME WANT TO PUNCH A WALL BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO HAVE A BABY SO FUCKING BAD, AND SHE ALREADY HAD TO SACRIFICE SO MUCH AND THEN SHE HAD TO GO AND DO * THAT*   
TT: Yes, it was a bit tragic.  
TT: For someone who's had a past such as hers to be forced to take such action against herself because she was afraid of what might be and her own morals almost seems unfair.  
CG: IT IS.  
TT: And when I came to the realization that there were to be no more adventures, that more love and heartbreak and life was a non-possibility, that there were thousands of universes of possible outcomes that were cut short due to her making herself sterile all because she was afraid her child would become like her father?  
TT: Let's just say that the cake in the fridge suffered the consequences that day.  
CG: AT LEAST SHE HAS SOMEONE WHO LOVES HER, YOU KNOW?  
CG: EVEN IF HE IS A JERK.  
TT: About that...  
CG: NO. NO SPOILERS. I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE SPOILERS.  
TT: Alright, then. Just prepare to cry.  
CG: YOU ARE EVIL.  
TT: Karkat. Are you free this afternoon?  
CG: YEAH, WHY?  
TT: There is something I need to talk with you about that I've put off for far too long.  
TT: Do you know a place where we can talk without being interrupted?  
CG: UH, YEAH, JUST COME OVER TO MY HOUSE. YOU REMEMBER WHERE IT IS, RIGHT?  
TT: Yes. You can expect me their in an hour.  
TT: *there. Please excuse the typo.

\- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] - -

 

Your name is Rose Lalonde, and that is an irrefutable fact.

You're walking the path towards the house where Karkat lives, which is also a fact.

You shouldn't have given yourself a whole hour before you went to meet him, because you spent the whole time just working yourself up into a nervous mess. That is a fact.

You're trying to focus on facts right now, because if you don't you'll just be thinking about what you're going to say and you'll probably end up trying to talk yourself out of it.

Which is another fact, you think amusedly.

Factception.

Any good humor the joke gave you withers away when you turn onto Karkat's street, and you refuse to slow your pace as you walk up to his door. You check your watch where it's strapped to your wrist.

11:59

Well, you did say an hour... You wouldn't want to inconvenience him by showing up a minute early.

12:00

Mother fucker.

You take a breath before knocking on the green wood of the door. Moments later you hear the sound of footsteps inside, and Karkat opens the door, his hair in his usual state of disarray, but you note with a bit of surprise that he's wearing the same jacket as the day you first met him.

“Excuse the jacket,” he says when he notices you eyeing it, and he moves aside to let you in. “Kanaya was throwing a bitchfit about appropriate attire until I put it on.”

“I certainly appreciate the gesture,” you say lightly, and Karkat closes the door.

“Hey, my clothes are fucking fine! So what if they all look the same? You want a drink or something?” He shrugs when you shake your head in the negative, and continues talking as he walks past the kitchen and towards the back of the house. “Jack is at work so we shouldn't have to worry about him for a while.” He opens a door that leads to his backyard, and you take from Karkat's example and adjust your skirt as you sit down on the lawn chair that faces Karkat's. “So what was it you wanted to talk about?”

“Getting right to it, are we?” You say. You know you're stalling, and from the tilt of Karkat's frown you know he's aware.

“I had to wait an hour after you logged off, thinking of a healthy variety of ways I could've fucked shit up, so yeah, I'm pretty eager to find out what it is I did.”

“No, Karkat,” you sigh. “To put to work a rather cliché phrase, it's not you, it's me.” He snorts. “I'm not quite sure how to say this. I should have said something sooner, but when I took past examples into consideration I would always find a reason to put it off.” If there is one thing you know for sure, it's that you don't want to lose Karkat as a friend. You're well aware that you're not the most socially adept person. Trusting someone enough to let them become close enough to be called a friend is something that doesn't happen often. And you really don't want to fuck this up.

“Again, I'm not sure how to say this... So I'll just be out with it.”

You can do this. You can do this. You can do this.

You're doing this.

“Over the course of our meeting, I've come to regard Kanaya in a more romantic sense.” Okay, good, you said it. “My feelings for you, of course, remain completely platonic, and I hope that your regard of me doesn't change.” Not bad. “I wouldn't usually say anything under normal circumstances, but when I recalled your reaction towards Terezi's behavior with Dave, and the fact that Kanaya is after all a part of you, I decided it was your right to know.” Alright, that would be a good place to stop. “I'm perfectly fine with taking no course of action regarding this. I would be glad for there to be no change in our relationship.” Why are you still talking? “I understand if you would wish for me to leave, or to cease contact both with you and Kanaya-”

“Rose,” Karkat says, and you snap your mouth shut. You finally look at Karkat's face, which you've been avoiding, and are surprised when you find it to be mostly impassive. “How stupid do you think I am?” You open your mouth again, but he cuts you off before you can say anything. “No, don't answer that.” He pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes for a moment before looking back up at you. “It's pretty fucking obvious. From what I've seen, you talk to her like you don't talk to anyone else, Dave says you talk about her almost non-stop, and if the history on my computer is anything to go by you're on pesterchum with her for hours at a time.” You feel a prickle of shame. You'd thought you had hid it much better than that.

“So you'd probably like to know that she feels the same way. Unless I hallucinated the last thirty seconds.” Wait.

She...likes you, too?

“It's requited?” You ask, feeling dazed.

“I had my suspicions,” Karkat says. “And also I was finally able to drag it out of her the other day.”

“So what does this mean?” You're not sure if this dazed feeling is going away any time soon.

“I've been thinking about this for a couple days. Holding hands and cuddling and all that is fine, but anything beyond that is a no for what I fucking hope are obvious reasons.”

“So you're okay with this?” You ask. Keep your cool.“But I thought..?”

“The Terezi and Dave thing? I don't know why, this is just...” He waves a hand in the air dismissively. “Different. Plus I had someone to help me work it out.” You're curious about who this “someone” he mentioned is, but you have the tact not to ask. It may actually be the fact that you're not quite sure if this is in fact reality, but winners can't be choosers.

“Whatever,” Karkat says. “I'll give you two lovebirds some privacy.” He closes his eyes, and when they open again Kanaya gives you a wide, happy smile, and it makes your heart swell with so much happiness that you can't help but smile in much the same way.

Needless to say, much hand-holding and cuddling is done.

///

\- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering unforgettableCanine [UC] - -

CG: ZALA, GUESS WHAT?  
UC: what??? :o  
CG: I GOT EVERYTHING SETTLED WITH ROSE TODAY.  
UC: really? No way!! ^U^  
UC: what happened? I need to knooow  
CG: ROSE ASKED TO TALK AND THEN TOLD ME HOW SHE FELT.  
CG: SHE LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS ABOUT TO EXPLODE FROM AWKWARD SO I PUT HER OUT OF HER MISERY QUICKLY.  
CG: I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR, YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY MAKING ME SIT DOWN AND THINK ABOUT ALL THIS BULLSHIT.  
UC: aw, it wasnt a problem :)  
UC: youre too adorable when you get all polite  
CG: I AM NOT ADORABLE.  
UC: you are from where im standing :D  
CG: FUCK YOU.  
UC: ;)  
CG: AUGH GOD DAMMIT EVERY TIME.   
CG: FUCK YOU * PLATONICALLY*   
UC: hehe it's so easy to rile you up, and then you just keep proving my point!! :3  
CG: I AM NOT FUCKING ADORABLE. IF ANYTHING, I AM “4DOR4BLOODTH1RSTY”.  
UC. mhmm you just keep telling yourself that   
UC: ill just be over here writing about an adorably murderous dog whos name may or may not start with k :U  
CG: NOPE. NOT HAPPENING. I REFUSE TO GET CAUGHT UP IN THIS WEB OF LIES THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SPIN.  
CG: I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.  
UC: bye karkat! ^.^

\- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering unforgettableCanine [UC] - -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *quietly adds rosemary to the tags*
> 
> props to anyone who can guess which book they were talking about at the beginning! Yes, it's real. And I just love the idea that they would trade books.
> 
> and also yeah kk did tell zala about the DID in a previous chat


	11. Something to Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ehehehe

\- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] - -

EB: karkat   
EB: karkaat   
EB: kaaaarkaaaat   
EB: help me i'm so bored and nobody is online but you    
EB: pleeeeaaaase   
CG: I *GUESS* I CAN GRACE YOU WITH MY PRESENCE FOR A LITTLE WHILE.   
EB: yesss!   
EB: I knew I could count on you man   
EB: you know that feeling where you have a ton of games but you don't want to play a single one of them   
EB: that's me right now. All of it. Yep.   
CG: YOU POOR THING. HOW WILL YOU EVER SURVIVE?   
CG: BUT YEAH I ACTUALLY DO.   
CG: I WAS HAVING THAT RIGHT NOW BEFORE YOU DECIDED TO REAR YOUR UGLY MUG. NOW WE CAN BE LAZY BUMFUCK TEENAGERS *TOGETHER*!   
EB: yeah! :B   
EB: so what have you been up to besides being a lazy bumfuck teenager?   
CG: EATING. SLEEPING. MAKING DINNER WHEN THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO DO, WHICH IS MOST OF THE FUCKING TIME. CLEANING UP AROUND THE HOUSE WHEN THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO DO, WHICH IS, GET THIS – ALSO MOST OF THE FUCKING TIME.   
CG: SINCE PROSPIT KICKED ME OUT A COUPLE MONTHS EARLY, IT'S LIKE I'VE BEEN ON AN EXTENDED SUMMER VACATION, WHICH CONTRARY TO EVERY KID'S DREAMS, IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF THE GREATEST THING EVER.   
CG: THERE'S ONLY SO LONG I CAN GO WITH NOTHING TO DO WITHOUT GOING FUCKING SHITHIVE MAGGOTS.   
EB: ...shithive maggots?   
EB: is that even a thing?   
CG: IT IS NOW, FUCKNUTS.   
CG: MAYBE I SHOULD GO LOOK FOR A JOB? I'M OLD ENOUGH TO GET HIRED WITHOUT BREAKING CHILD LABOR LAWS, BUT THE REAL PROBLEM WOULD BE FINDING SOMEONE WHO WOULD TAKE IN SUCH A “POTENTIAL LIABILITY”.   
EB: :o   
CG: WHAT.   
CG: WHAT WAS THAT FACE FOR, EGBERT.   
CG: WHY DO I SUDDENLY FEEL COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF REGRET AND DREAD TERROR OOZING FROM MY PORES?   
EB: ew karkat, that sounds kind of gross!   
EB: and you're actually going to really happy! Unless you were lying about the job thing for some reason.   
EB: my dad was just saying earlier that he's been wanting some help at work.   
EB: he's really open-minded, he'd probably be really happy to hire hire you!   
CG: WAIT.   
CG: REALLY?   
CG: ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT HE WOULD ACTUALLY HIRE SOMEONE WITH SUCH A TENDENCY TO FUCK THINGS UP AT JUST THE PERFECT MOMENT?   
EB: no!    
EB: I mean yeah he would hire you, he'll probably want to talk to you first but i'm sure he'd be really happy about it   
EB: but you don't fuck things up all the time!   
CG: IF YOU EVER HAD THE CHANCE TO ACTUALLY LIVE MY LIFE, THEN YOU'D RETRACT THAT STATEMENT REAL FUCKING FAST. AND HERE'S A TIP: IF YOU EVER HAVE A CHANCE TO ACTUALLY LIVE MY LIFE – DON'T TAKE IT.   
EB: bluuh, you really got to stop being so hard on yourself!   
CG: NO.   
EB: :l   
CG: l:B   
EB: anyway, do you really want a job? Because I can go talk to dad about it like, right now if you want me to   
CG: YOU WOULD ACTUALLY DO THAT?   
EB: yep! In fact i'm about to do it right...   
EB: ...now! :B

\- ectoBiologist [EB] is now an idle chum! - -

EB: :B   
EB :B :B :B :B   
EB: kaaaaarkaaaaaat   
EB: guess who has a joooooooob   
EB: well not yet I mean he still wants to talk to you but he said you can start tomorrow if you want   
EB: karkat   
EB: hello   
CG: WHAT ABOUT MY DISORDER?   
EB: he said he's cool with it! And that it won't be a problem although he would appreciate it if you would share any information that may become relevant in the course of your relationship   
CG: YOU'RE NOT JOKING RIGHT NOW, RIGHT?   
CG: THIS ISN'T ONE OF YOUR STUPID PRANKS?   
EB: no, of course not!   
EB: I wouldn't joke about something like this!   
EB: so are you in?   
EB: are you down with the plan, stan?   
CG: FUCKING SHIT YES.   
CG: AS LONG AS YOU PROMISE TO NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN.   
EB: hehehe   
EB: i'll send you the address and you have to be there by eight, yeah?   
CG: YES.   
CG: YES. OK.   
CG: I HAVE TO GO DO   
CG: SOMETHING TO   
CG: PREPARE? GOD KANAYA IS GOING TO FLIP HER SHIT   
CG: THANKS.

\- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] - -

EB: karkat wait!   
EB: karkat i'm still bored!!   
EB: aw :(

 

You don't know what you were expecting.

Actually, fuck that, you know _exactly_ what you were expecting. The few times you'd seen Mr. Egbert, he'd been in a prim suit with a white fedora, perfectly pressed and looking for all the part of a business man. So, naturally your brain made the connection of business suit equaling business man.

You'd been expecting an office. You'd been expecting a tall, gray, building. Hell, maybe even something to do with the postal service.

You're standing on the sidewalk, wearing your least-but-still-slightly-worn-shut-up-Kanaya-I-look-perfectly-fine-but-holy-fuck-all-my-clothes-really-do-look-the-same shirt, in front of a fucking _bakery._

What.

You double check the crumpled scrap of paper in your hands, smoothing it out just to double check that that “4” isn't actually a “9” in disguise because let's face it, your handwriting is a fucking mess. Nope, that is definitely a four, what the fuck. Just to make sure you're not hallucinating, you give the building a hard double-over.

It's a corner shop, with people sitting out at the few tables that are in the outside area, some with coffee and laptops, some with donuts, some with some other shit that you glance over too quickly to register. A sign hangs in the front with just a picture of a white fedora outlined in black. Yeah. Maybe this actually is where you're heading.

Sucking in a quick breath through your nose, you straighten out the hem of your shirt and march toward the door. Open it. Okay, good. No need to be nervous. Why are you nervous, again? _Exactly._

You pause inside the door, the smell of roasted coffee beans and chocolate/peanut butter/peppermint/cream washing over you. The walls are painted a surprisingly pleasant combination of warm peach, electric blue and gray, with more people with more laptops and various confectioneries seated at tables scattered around the room. It has an air of warm closeness that doesn't happen often outside of holidays and group gatherings, and you know instantly that you'll like it here. If you can find Mr. Egbert in the first place, that is.

As if on cue, the man himself emerges from a pair of swinging double-doors from behind a glass counter at the back of the shop, white dress-shirt rolled up to his elbows and black tie swung over his left shoulder, fedora firmly in place. He smiles when he sees you, wiping his hands on a towel before reaching one out to you when you finally walk close enough. You shake it, and his grip is firm and warm.

“Glad you could make it, Karkat. Why don't you follow me and we can get everything settled.” He turns around when you nod, passing back through the doors behind the counter, and you trail after him. Inside are stacks of various pastries cooling on metal racks, ovens pushed up against the walls, and Mr. Egbert leads you past all this and through another door, a desk waiting inside. He sits down on the large chair behind the desk, spinning around once in an extremely childish manner that you didn't really expect but seems oddly appropriate. You sit on the other chair when he motions with his hand, and he rifles through the papers sitting on the desk.

“First order of business. Things have been pretty busy lately, and since you'll be the only worker here I can afford to pay you ten dollars an hour. Is that alright?” He looks up at you like there's actually a negative response to something like that, so you just nod, bewildered. He smiles and looks back down at his papers. “When school is on we're usually open from six to nine, a lot of college kids come here to study, but on the weekends and during the summer the shop is open from seven to three, which are the hours we have now. How long are you free today?”

“I've got nothing to do all day, so... As long as you need me?” One thing is evident so far; Mr. Egbert really likes to smile.

“Excellent!” He says, and then he lines up the papers and puts them back on the desk, folding his hands together and looks at you. Gentle, but not pitying; not closed, but open and willing to listen. “John explained your disorder to me, but I'm sure you know he has a rather...odd way of talking about things. Is there anything you think I might need to know that he might not have mentioned?” No beating around the bush, then. Thank _god_.

“What did he say?” you ask, because repeating everything gets old after a while. Mr. Egbert chuckles lightly.

“He mentioned the words 'alters', 'people in his head', and 'so cool' several times.” You can't help but crack a smile at that. John _would_ say something like that.

“Yeah, pretty much,” you say. “Nothing should happen today, but sometimes my alters and I will switch out. It shouldn't be a problem.” 

“Perfect,” he says. He pushes a paper and a pen across the desk, which turns out to just be a contract saying you understand the terms of working here and some other legal crap that you look over quickly. You sign it, and he puts it in a drawer, and reaches out to shake your hand again. When you take it, you yelp and jump back. Mr. Egbert laughs, unstrapping the zapper from his palm.

“Welcome to the job, son.” 

He takes you to the kitchen first, and he gives you a work apron to put on. You ask him why he doesn't put one on, and he says that he's had lots of practice. He wasn't kidding, either. By the time you're done mixing the various components of the dough together, Mr. Egbert giving you tips on consistency and volume, flour paints white clouds across virtually every inch of you, and Mr. Egbert is just as impeccable as he was before he started. Damn this guy is good. When you're done, having held back a new record of curses – doesn't mean you didn't slip occasionally though, but Mr. Egbert just laughed and ignored it – you finally put the finished product into the oven. Mr. Egbert claps his hands together, and leads you back out to the counter and shows you how to work the register.

When you ask him how to work the coffee machine, he just smiles and says not to worry about it. You're sort of unsure about what you're supposed to do at first, but whenever a costumer comes in that wants coffee, Mr. Egbert is getting it ready before you can even think about repeating the order. It's like he already knows what they want when they walk through the door. Kind of creepy, actually.

A couple hours pass like this. You try to be a little friendly, at least, which is actually a bit easier than usual. You credit your surprisingly good mood on the free treats. Mr. Egbert has you take a lunch break at twelve, and when you're done with the sandwich that Kanaya packed for you, you get right back to work.

There's about ten minutes where no one comes in, so you spend the time in the back washing out the dishes in the sink and setting them on the towel to dry. When you hear the bell on the door ring, you dry off your hands and go back to the register.

A woman is leaning against the glass counter, and you do a double take because holy shit it's Doctor Lalonde. 

“Doctor Lalonde?!” You say, because you were really not expecting that. At all. You think you're building up a new streak here.

She looks up when she hears you, and a wide smile takes over her face, white teeth against painted black lips. She leans over the counter even further, and gives you another pinch on the cheek.

“Kitty Kat, what're you doin' here?” 

“He's working here now, Rue,” says Mr. Egbert, chuckling, and he just did that creepy knowing-just-when-to-appear thing again. Doctor Lalonde – Rue, is that her name? - reaches out to pinch your cheek again, but Mr. Egbert saves you by intercepting her hand and grabbing her wrist. She pouts at him.

“Aw, c'mon, James, can't you let a girl have fun? Look at 'im, he's so adorable, I just gotta do it!” You grumble, because you're _not fucking adorable, why do people keep saying that._

“Not while he's working, Rue,” Mr. Egbert says gently, and she responds by draping herself even further across the counter.

“Jamesy, Jamesy James, Jimmy Jams, I'm hungry.”

“Well, _Ruthy,_ ” Mr. Egbert says, “I believe I have just the thing.” Doctor Lalonde gasps.

“Really? Show me, show me!” He reaches down to slide one of the doors to the counter open, and when he comes back up he has one of the small wrapped cakes in his hand. 

“Strawberry shortcake, just for you, dear,” he says, and she squeals. When she leans in, you expect her to do another pinch, but instead she gives him a swift peck on the cheek. Wow. Okay.

“Omgosh, yess, this is perf.” She takes it from him, burying her face in the wrapping and taking a deep breath. She looks up at him, her nose still in the paper, and flutters her eyelashes. Holy _shit_. You look between them, Mr. Egbert smiling his ass off and Doctor Lalonde giving him some really obvious bedroom eyes. After a moment, he decides to speak again.

“Rue, dear, if you don't leave now you'll be late going back to work.” She jumps up.

“Oh, shoot! Thanks again, Jamesy!” She gives him another peck, and then sashays out of the door, hips swaying side to side. Mr. Egbert stares after her for a few moments, smile still on his face, and when he turns back you have the double-raised eyebrows prepped to the full. He just laughs, patting you twice on the shoulder, and goes back to the kitchen. You're left standing in front of the cash register.

What the fuck. Are they- do they- no. Not thinking about that. Any of that. Nope. All of that is being pushed back into the far recesses of your mind where you can freak out about it later, and then maybe ask John if he knows. Fucking _shitballs_ that was something you really didn't need to see.

You shake your head, and your attention is caught by the tinkle of the bells that signal another customer walking through the door. A man walks in, a black shoulder bag over one shoulder, and he stops in front of the glass counter, determination set on his face. He stares at the various pastries on display, and when he doesn't say anything after a moment you decide now is the time to be the helpful employee.

“Can I help you?”

“Hm? Oh, yes,” he says, but he doesn't look up from the counter. “My wife calls on the way home from work and says 'Why don't you pick something up at that little shop you've been telling me so much about?', but of course when I ask her what she wants she just says 'Surprise me!'. Now I have to make _decisions._ ” He sighs out the last word like it murdered his first-born child and he could care less at the same time. He goes silent for a few seconds, and then looks up at you, and surprise flickers across his face. “Oh, you're new.”

“Hired today,” you say. He must be a regular, then. He smiles, and reaches a hand across the counter, which you take.

“My names Andy.”

“Karkat.” 

“I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other, then! This place has the best cookies I've ever had, and don't get me started on the black roast; this coffee has saved me from my mornings more time than I can count.” You can't disagree with that, because damn if that's not true, even if you haven't tried the coffee for yourself yet. “What would you recommend for today?” You look over what's left inside the display.

“The chocolate-raspberry muffins are still warm since we pulled them out not too long ago, and the pumpkin pie was like heaven decided to throw a party on my taste-buds.” 

“I'll take one of each, then!” This guy sure is easy to satisfy. Not that you're complaining. You shrug, pulling on a pair of disposable plastic gloves, and take out the things that you mentioned. You set them on the counter and ring up his total, and he brings out his wallet. You reach out to take the money, and - - 

///

…

Um. So.

You don't know where you are.

You think it's a coffee shop. At least, it smells like a coffee shop. Normally you wouldn't be freaking out about something like this, except you're on the wrong side of the counter and there's this guy staring at you like he's expecting an answer to a question you didn't hear. Which is actually a pretty reasonable guess, considering. 

Wait. Wrong side of the counter. Wearing a dough-splattered apron. Very customer-looking dude.

Was KK _working?_

_...Shit._

“You okay?” the guy asks. 

“Uh.” Think. Think, what's the best thing to do in this situation? You can't just leave, because that would be stupid and KK could get fired and he would be pissed. You're trying to think through all of your options when suddenly a hand is on your shoulder and _son of a fuck where did this guy come from?!_

“Is everything alright, son?” You look to your left to see a man with a white-collared shirt and black tie. Possibly KK's boss. You almost consider lying to him for a moment, but if he really is the boss then he should know, right? Crap, you were not prepared for this.

“U-hm, n- yeth? You wince. Even though KK's teeth are perfectly fine you still have that damn lisp. The man at your side “Hm”s, and then motions to a pair of doors at your left that you hadn't noticed before.

“Why don't you wait in the kitchen. I'll finish up here.” You just nod and then abscond the hell out of there, opening the doors to enter a large kitchen. There's no place to sit – not that you would have taken it, anyway – so you settle for pacing against the far wall. Not twenty seconds later, the same man as before comes into the room, and you try to stop pacing. You get it down, mostly, and your fingers settle for fidgeting at your sides.

“Do you know who I am?” He asks. Great, he's smart enough to figure out that you're not KK. You don't recognize him, so you just shake your head. “I'm Mr. Ebert, John Egbert's father.” Okay. You know John. You've only talked to him a couple times, and you're not friends, but he's not a bad dude. “Karkat started working for me here today. Did something happen?”

“N...no.” 

John's dad exhales, and you realize how tense he was.

“Good,” he says. “Andy's a nice guy, but I was afraid for a moment that he'd done something.” He rubs the back of his neck, then looks up at you and smiles. “What would your name be?”

“Thollux.”

“Well then, Sollux,” he says, clapping his hands together. Another point to this guy for managing to figure out how to say your name on the first try. “I hate to be a slave driver, but do you think you can still work the register?” You think about it for a moment. You don't really like interacting with people too much, which you'll definitely have to do if you go out there, but then again, you have to admit that it _does_ sound more appealing than just sitting here and doing nothing. Plus, you don't really like the idea of calling Jack to pick you up, either, which you'd need to do since you have no clue where in town you are. He may be KK's uncle, but he's still intimidating as fuck. Especially since you know what he's capable of.

“Sure.” 

You can see how he and John are related now, in the shape of his face and the color of his eyes, except his type of blue is more muted. They make the same hand gestures, which you get the chance to observe when he demonstrates how to use the register. You already knew how, you learned after watching a video on the internet that you don't even _want_ to remember why you decided to watch, but by the time you think that you should save him some time and tell him this he's already done.

“If there's any trouble, don't hesitate to call. I'll be wrapping up in the kitchen.” And, with a pat to the shoulder, he's gone. You turn to the register, a bit anxious because once again, you don't like interacting with people. And... maybe you need to brush up on your people skills a little. Well, no time like the present, or whatever that shit proverb was.

You don't get many customers in the next however many hours, so you don't get the opportunity to fuck anything up. Good thing, too. This looks like a really nice place, and if you lost KK his job here he'd be so much more than pissed at you. He'd be leaving angry letters for you for weeks. He might even – wait for it – take away your computer privileges. You're trembling in your boots! Eheheh-

_“Jethuth Chritht!”_ You jump and bang your knee against the counter when you feel the hand on your shoulder out of nowhere. “Ow _ow ow.._.” You hiss as you rub at your knee. _That's_ going to leave a bruise. You turn at the sound of chuckling, and find Mr. Egbert with an apologetic smile on his face.

“Sorry, son. I just thought I'd let you know we're closing up now.” Yeah, right. You're a bit miffed at the crinkles at the corners of his eyes until you remember that he's _John's dad_. John, the “pranking master”. Your mood brightens as you reflect on how many times KK's going to get the shit scared out of him in the future.

And then it plunges right back down the sewer hole.

“Uh,” you begin. Good going Sollux, keep this up and you'll be sounding like Tavros. “I don't know how to get home.”

“Oh,” he says, and then his face changes into something that can only mean deep contemplation. “I have your address. I could take you home, if you feel comfortable with it.”

“Could you? I mean, if it'th not too much trouble...” Mr. Egbert smiles and rolls down the sleeves of his shirt, and you untie the knot for the apron at our back and then pull the straps around your neck over your head. Mr. Egbert takes it from you before you can ask where it goes and disappears into the kitchen. When he comes back, he has on his suit jacket and takes out car keys from his pockets.

“It won't be a problem. Just let me lock up and we'll get you home in no time.”

You memorize the ride back to the house from inside the car, and Mr. Egbert lets you out with a “It was nice meeting you!” and a wave. The house is empty, just like you expected it to be, since Jack is still at work. When you're finally back in KK's room, you smile what you know has to be the most shit-eating grin. Because guess who has the Xbox all to himself...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2ollux why were you so difficult to write, it shouldn't be this hard.
> 
>  
> 
> ...
> 
>  
> 
> carrot2222222222222


	12. The Beginning of....Something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS IMPORTANT NEWS AT THE END NOTES

Jade's goodbye had taken place at the same airport that she'd said hello in. There had been many hugs and tears involved, not all of them from her end. Feferi had bawled like a fucking baby, clinging to Jade until the second she'd had to board her flight. She wished she could stay longer, Jade had said, but there's only a couple weeks left of summer vacation and it'd be best if she got out of the states before school started. Her grandpa had apparently given her this accelerated home-schooling program on the island where she'd grown up and she's already done with High School, the lucky little shit, which is why she's able to travel so freely. “Kind of hard to explain to cops, though!” she'd said, with the tone of someone who's learned from hard experience. Thus, that particular day in August had ended with you wiping tears-that-weren't-quite-your-own off of your face with the sleeve of your sweater, countering Dave's teasing with quips of your own.

Jade leaving had brought up a good point, though, one that's inevitability you'd been dreading almost since summer truly began.

Which is why you're currently sitting hunched in the chair inside of an office, Jack on your right talking with the principal whom to the office belongs. You thumb over the surface of the amber in Jade's bracelet, and your carefully constructed non-concentration is broken by the sudden insistency in Jack's voice.

“Listen, we've got the papers signed by his psychiatrist and I'll give you her number if you feel like talkin' to her yourself; I don't see what's the problem here!”

“Mr. Noir,” she says, her voice calm but a warning still clear. She has the Teacher Voice _down_. “I'm fully aware of Mr. Vantas' situation, and it's not my intention to slight you or your son, but it _is_ my responsibility to think of this school as a whole. I need to make sure that nothing like what happened at his previous school happens again.” You keep your gaze fixed on your hands, but you can see her head turn toward your direction in your peripheral vision. You know what will happen next. She'll say she can't take the risk of letting the kid with mental issues and a history of violence to run around her precious school, and then you'll have to try one of the other schools around here except _wait_ , there aren't any. Skaia High is the only other “good” school around here besides Derse and Prospit, and since both of those are under the same management there's no chance of you getting back into either. You prepare yourself for the final verdict. “But perhaps I'm being unfair. We've spent all this time talking about Mr. Vantas without asking him his opinion on these matters, himself.” Wait she said what now. “Mr. Vantas. Do you feel like you can be in a school environment without there being any serious incidents?”

You look up, just a little more than slightly flabbergasted. She looks completely serious, gray eyes regarding you through glasses and long brown hair, her hands folded in front of her. Fuck. You weren't thinking you were actually going to have to talk to anybody here. No pressure or anything, but what you say now will most likely decide whether you'll get into this school or not. Y'know. No big deal.

“I think,” you say carefully, and you clear your throat to try again when your voice cracks. “I think I'm only as dangerous as anyone who would try to hurt me. So unless there are a lot of kids here who like to f- mess with people, like what happened last time, then... there shouldn't be a problem.”

She doesn't say anything immediately. She just keeps looking at you. Fuck. You fucked up. No way is she going to let you in here. You guess you can try to get homeschooled, somehow. That shouldn't be too difficult, right? All except for the part that it will suck fucking balls.

“I see,” she says finally, and she looks back to Jack. “The new school-year starts in August. Ms. Paint at the front desk will have the registration papers for you.” She looks to you again, and the smile on her face is genuine. “I hope you have a good year at Skaia, Karkat.”

“Thank you,” Jack says, and he stands up. You follow, a little confused. You’re accepted? You’re going to school here? Jack leads you out into the main office, stopping at the front desk. A woman sits typing away at the computer, a pink strip of cloth tied into a headband in her short blonde hair. She looks up when Jack clears his throat.

“Sorry,” she says apologetically, smiling. “Can I help you?”

“We need uh, the…” Jack trails off, as if he just lost his train of thought. Weird.

“Registration papers,” you say.

“Ah! One moment,” she says, and swivels her chair around to rifle through a file cabinet. Looking over her desk, you see one of those wooden carvings teachers always seem to have, reading “Ms. Paint”. She swivels back, and hands you a packet of papers over the desk.

“Just bring those back when you’re done,” she says. She flashes Jack a smile. “Have a good day.”

“Yeah, you uh, too.” 

When you exit out of the office, there’s a red flush to Jack’s face that you doubt has any connection to the sun.

///

\- - turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] - -

TG: yo where you been all day   
TG: you left me all alone man   
TG: how could you do this to me i thought we were friends   
CG: REALLY, STRIDER. CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF I ACTUALLY HAVE SHIT I NEED TO DO DURING THE DAY.   
GG: MAYBE YOU SHOULD FIND A JOB INSTEAD OF SITTING ON YOUR LAZY ASS ALL DAY IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER.   
TG: ouch man that actually hurt   
TG: lol jk i had you running there didnt i    
TG: so seriously where you been   
CG: I HAVE PLANS FOR MY FUTURE, STRIDER. SO MANY PLANS. PLANS THAT I HAVEN’T THOUGHT UP YET BUT I’LL LEAVE UP TO FUTURE ME TO THINK UP BECAUSE FRANKLY I’M AT A LOSS AS TO WHAT I ENJOY ENOUGH TO MAKE A CAREER OUT OF WITHOUT PULLING MY HAIR OUT BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE GOD DAMNED IDIOTS. BUT ONCE I DO, I’M SURE IT WILL HAVE REQUIRED AN EDUCATION.   
TG: so…   
CG: YOU GET AN EDUCATION AT SCHOOL, YOU BRAIN DAMAGED ASSHAT. I WAS LOOKING FOR ONE.   
TG: any luck?   
CG: STRANGELY, YES. YOU ARE NOW LOOKING AT A FUTURE SKAIAN.   
TG: woah look at you, leaving all us poor prospitians behind   
TG: too bad we wont be going to the same school so i cant bug you on a daily basis   
CG: I’M ACTUALLY PRETTY SURPRISED THAT THEY ACCEPTED ME TO BE HONEST.    
TG: hey dont they have a really good photography class   
CG: I THINK THEY HAVE A “REALLY GOOD” EVERY CLASS.   
CG: WHY?   
TG: oh no reason   
CG: STRIDER   
TG: oh hey look theres a thing i have to go do all of the sudden   
CG: STRIDER WHAT ARE YOU THINKING   
TG: see you around crabs   
CG: WHATEVER IT IS YOU BETTER NOT FUCKING

\- - turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] - -

CG: I SWEAR SOMETIMES I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS IMPORTANT NEWS!
> 
> Nano has begun! And i have been convinced to participate by my friend. THAT SAID, all of my fics will be second-hand to my nano project and this probably won't update for the rest of the month. That's why this chapter is so short; i just wanted to give you guys a heads-up. 
> 
> THANK YOU GUYS FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT SO FAR!! I'll probably be re-reading all of your comments for motivation when i'm so disgusted with my writing that i'll want to give up hehe
> 
> (p2222222t also my nano is homestuck so you have that to look forward to if i don't decide it's utter crap!!!)


	13. AA: 0u0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **0u0**

Today is your first day of school.

It’s not like you’re nervous or anything, haha, fuck no. You’re just milling about outside because it’s nice out and you are the type of person who enjoys such things, that’s all. Kids trickle past you and into the school quad, and every time someone glances over you you half-expect them to recognize you, until they move on and you find yourself breathing out in relief.

Or you would be worried about something like that if you weren’t too preoccupied by that really nice bush. Whoever they pay to trim that does a really nice job, they deserve a raise.

_‘WhAt’S My BeSt BrOtHeR GeTtIn AlL Up AnD WoRrIeD AbOuT?’_

_‘i can take 0ver if y0u feel its needed’_

“Don’t you fucking dare,” you glower under your breath. “That’s exactly the type of shit I do _not_ want to be happening.”

_‘Relax. Youve Gone Through Most Of Your School Days Without Incident From Us, It Should Be The Same Now Except I Will Be Sure To Keep A Closer Eye On Gamzee This Time.’_

“...Fine. But if anything happens today because of you guys then I swear I will be flipping some serious shit.”

_‘2top beiing 2uch a drama queen, kk.’_

“You talking to yourself, Vantas?”

“No, just the fucking voices in my head-” You respond on autopilot before you realize that this familiar voice _should not be here_ , and you do a double take. “ _Strider?!_ ”

“The one and only,” he says smoothly, and if you had any doubt that you were not just hallucinating, it disappears the second he graces his lips with a smirk.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” you ask, because if he doesn’t bust his ass and move it he’s going to be late getting to Prospit. “Aren’t you supposed to be at school?”

“Oh, but I am,” he says, and then proceeds to whip a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and hand it to you. You eye him suspiciously as you unfold it, and then stare at it dumbly when you get it open.

“What is this?”

In your hands is a list of classes and teachers, an obvious student schedule, but the thing that has you confused is the name Dave Strider printed out at the top, next to the words _Skaia High School._

“And I thought TZ was the blind one. Is she gonna have to teach you how to see with your tongue, now? It’s my schedule. C’mon man, don’t keep me waiting, let me see yours.”

You’ve given it to him before you realized what you’re doing, and he plucks his schedule from your fingers to compare them side-by-side.

“Aw, sweet,” he says. “We have like all of our core classes together. Y’know, I didn’t peg you as a _Theater Studies_ type of guy.” 

“I’ve got hidden depths,” you say, snatching back your schedule. “And _you_ are going to explain why the fuck you’re here!”

“Easy,” he shrugs, slipping his own schedule back into his pocket. “They have a bitchin’ photography class and I figured I could try taking it up again. Plus now you get to be with me every day and the school gets yet another kick-ass student, it’s a win-win situation for everybody involved.”

Wait. No, that couldn’t be right. Did he…?

“Did you come here because of me?” You ask, incredulous. The bell rings.

“Who would do a thing like that?” He begins to walk to his first class, and you hurry to follow after him, long legs be damned. “I’m in it for the extra-curriculars.” Shit, he _totally did._

You hear the echoes of something that sounds suspiciously like a wolf-whistle in your head.

_‘Only quiet from you, Serket!’_

“How did you convince Bro?”

“I didn’t,” he says. “He was just like, ‘Aight, dat’s cool lil bro.' I don’t really question it when Bro just let’s things slide like that.”

You don’t say anything else, then, because you both walk into your first class - which happens to be the same - and school officially starts.

It’s kind of a shock, though, to walk into your Theater Studies class to find a familiar face.

_‘holy 2hiit iit’2 that one guy from your work.’_

_‘Like I couldn’t fucking see that.’_

You hesitate in the doorway, suddenly unsure what to do because holy fucking shit, your teacher is that guy you transitioned in front of at the bakery, Andy-whatever, and if this isn’t going to be a boatload of awkward then you don’t know what will be. No one else is here yet, thanks to your hurried walking habits, so when the door to the silent classroom closes behind you with a loud bang he looks up from his laptop immediately. 

“Hello, Karkat, fancy seeing you here,” he says with a smile, like it’s a funny joke that only you two are in on. Which, to be honest, it actually kind of is. You try a small smile back, moving to sit forward at one of the front desks and around the projector pointed at one of those pull-down screens all classrooms seem to have. “You know,” he muses, “I never really considered the possibility of you being one of my students. But this just means I get to see you more often outside of the Hat.”

“Truly amazing. You’re _just_ the person I was hoping to run into,” you deadpan before you can stop yourself, and you wince internally. Not even a minute into the class and your smartass is already showing. You wait for him to take offense, but instead, he laughs. 

“You certainly are, full of surprises,” he says, still laughing, but something about the way he says it gives you pause.

Does he...?

“Do you...” You trail off, unwilling to finish in case he actually doesn’t know about your fucked up head, hoping that if he does he’ll understand what you’re referring to, but damn it, the confused look he’s giving you isn’t very hopeful in that respect.

“Do I what?”

“Know about, you know-” You motion vaguely at your head with a hand, twirling a finger in what _might_ be recognized as a loop. Andy-whatever’s mouth widens into an ‘o’ of surprise, and, you think understanding?

“Ooohh, oh oh, yes, sorry. Mrs Queen called a meeting about it personally. You shouldn’t have any problems with the teachers but-” He cuts off for a second as the door opens again and a few kids begin to filter in, before continuing. “But if you do, I’ll have your back.” He smiles at you again before he looks back down at his papers.

Ooookay. Not exactly the response you were expecting. Well, to be honest, you’re not sure _what_ response you were expecting. Could have been worse though. A lot worse.

Once the final bell rings and the last of the students walk through the door, Andy-whatever introduces himself to the class as Miller (“Not Mister Miller; Mister Miller is my father’s name.”) and passes around a syllabus. Talks about what to expect from the class. Nothing too unusual. He passes out another round of papers.

When yours gets to you, all you can do is stare at the sheet of paper in horror.

“You’ll need a partner to complete this assignment,” Miller (because he has lost his first name privileges, fuck him) says cheerily. “It’s not necessary, but if you complete it in its entirety it will count for either a missing homework assignment, or as a bump on a test grade. You have the rest of class.”

_Name of your partner. Favorite color. Favorite animal. Siblings, and if yes, how many? Allergies. Pets. Favorite things to do in their spare time. Favorite TV show. Something interesting they think you should know. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah-_

Oh, God. He’s one of _those_ teachers.

Everyone has rearranged themselves into groups before you even have the chance to blink. Damn it. You could have used that extra credit, too. Not that you’re planning on skipping out on any assignments, but you just don’t _not do_ extra credit, okay? In a last-ditch effort to find a partner, you look around the room to see if anyone else was left behind. There’s always at least one lonely asshole no one picks. Then again, that lonely asshole is always you, so that’s beside the point.

There. One awkward looking lanky son of a fuck sitting alone all the way at the back. You stand up before you can change your mind, and when you drop your backpack heavily onto the desk next to his, he looks up sharply from the paper in surprise. 

“Alright,” you say, sitting down. “I’ll ask you the questions, because i’m not going to pass up an opportunity for extra credit, and if you want me to then I’ll answer the questions, and then we can go our separate ways and never speak again.”

He nods, shifting slightly in his seat to face more toward your direction. You take out a pen from its home in your pocket, and raise an eyebrow at him. “C-Chris,” he stutters, tripping over his words in his rush to answer the unsaid question.

“Well, _Chris_ ,” you say, signing off the last letter of his name, “tell me your favorite fucking color.”

He tells you his favorite fucking color.

Orange. Elephants. One: an older sister. No allergies. A dog named Goober. Playing video games, he guesses. None that he can think of. God, this guy is awkward. Every time he stutters out a word you can’t help but wince a little in sympathy, because damn this is kind of painful to watch. He fidgets with his hands as he talks, avoiding looking at you in the eye. 

And then it’s your turn. Oh boy.

Karkat- with Ks, not Cs. Gray. Crabs. None, none, nothing, no. See, easy as fucking that, and with just enough time in class left for things to be awkward. Lucky you!

You hope Miller doesn’t think he’s going to get a discount next time he stops by Egbert’s, because that is not happening. Nope. Fuck him. Screw him for making you socialize.

After school, you head out to make the walk home only to be stopped by someone calling your name. You tap your foot impatiently as you wait for Dave to catch up, and begin walking again when he’s still a few feet away.

“Karkles, wait, don’t leave me.”

“It’s too late, Dave. I’m abandoning you for shitty air conditioning.”

“I thought we meant more to each other than this.”

“You’ll never be worth more than air conditioning in my mind, Strider, accept the facts.”

He snorts, jogging slightly the last few feet to fall into step beside you. Neither of you say anything for a few minutes, which is actually...kind of nice, you guess. You’re still a little strung out on nerves from wondering if anyone would recognize you at school, and not having to worry about what you’re going to say next is a relief.

It is kind of fucking weird, though, you have to admit. You’ve never just _hung out_ with Strider, for all you’ve been in his presence so much these past couple of months.

“How was baby’s first day of school?” he asks, and your heart jumps into your throat from the unexpectedness of it. Jesus fucking Christ that startled you.

“Fantastic,” you say. “Turns out that one of my teachers is the same guy I transitioned in front of at work. The universe is just full of surprises!”

Dave raises an eyebrow at you. “Is he gonna give you any problems?”

“What? No. He seemed cool about it, actually. Better than any of the other alternatives.”

“Cool.”

“Did it turn out that your photography class was as bitchin’ as you thought it was gonna be?”

“Seems promising,” he says. “I don’t know. We’ll have to see how much of a dick the teacher turns out to be.”

“Feel free to get me wrong here,” you say, “but you don’t look like the type of guy to be into photography, of all the fucking things.”

“Ain’t never heard that one before,” he says, and you swear he rolls his eyes at you behind his shades. “I used to be, a while ago. Don’t really remember why I stopped. Lost interest, I guess.” He shrugs. “I just have like, a shit ton of old photographs hanging out under my bed, gathering dust and shit.”

You fall silent again as you round the next corner onto your street. You didn’t realize before now that Dave would have to take the same route as you in order to get to his house. Then again, you didn’t know he was going to be transferring to your school at all, so you think you can give yourself a pass on this one.

“I can show you sometime,” he says as you stop in front of your house. He coughs into a fist. “I mean, if you want.”

“Uh,” you say, and shit, fuck no fuck why is your face getting warm fuck abort _abort_ \- “Sure. I’d like that.”

“Sweet,” he says, and he grins and _fuck your life-_

You swivel around to walk to your house, not turning to see what Dave does. You practically slam the door behind you, falling back against it as you drop your backpack to the floor. You bury your face in your hands.

_What the fuck are you doing._

On second thought, no, not thinking about it. Not thinking about how you just blushed at Dave for him offering to show you some of his shitty pictures, after he transferred schools just so you wouldn’t have to be alone, no, not thinking about it at all, or how that’s the first time you’ve seen him actually smile.

...You really like his smile.

“Fuck.” 

You think you remember Rose saying he’s straight.

“ _Fuck._ ”

\- -

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

AA: dave  
AA: dave  
AA: dave  
AA: dave  
AA: dave i know youre there!  
TG: oh hey aradia  
TG: whats kickin  
AA: 0u0  
TG: what  
AA: 0u0  
TG: aradia  
AA: 0u0  
TG: are you ok  
AA: 0u0  
TG: ok youre kinda freaking me out here now  
AA: haha  
AA: sorry  
AA: just got carried away  
TG: its chill sis  
TG: what are you up to  
TG: why are you pestering this fine piece of strider ass  
TG: not that its not understandable for you to just want to talk to me for no reason  
TG: shit if i knew me id do that to  
AA: dave has anyone told you that you are really conceited?  
TG: gasp  
TG: yes  
AA: just thought id remind you!  
TG: thanks  
TG: what would i do without you to keep my ego in check  
AA: die probably  
AA: then id have to throw you a corpse party  
AA: !!  
TG: aa no  
AA: please!  
TG: no  
AA: dave!  
TG: i can feel your puppy eyes from here and i still say no  
AA: 0n0  
TG: fine maybe a fake one  
TG: you can build a small straw effigy and burn it in ritualistic sacrifice  
TG: but there has to be apple juice involved somehow  
AA: i can use it to douse the flames?  
TG: acceptable  
AA: 0u0  
TG: so  
TG: i have to ask  
TG: whats with the weird typing  
AA: oh  
AA: you mean  
AA: instead 0f typing like this  
TG: ye  
AA: times are changing  
AA: you have got to keep up dave!  
AA: or else youre going to get left behind and then what will you do  
TG: die probably  
TG: but weve already discussed this so moving on  
AA: to answer your previous question i do actually have a reason for pestering you!  
TG: oh  
TG: question mark  
AA: dave  
AA: i need you to be completely honest with me  
AA: this is a matter of life and death  
AA: of the utmost importance!  
TG: oh man oh man im sitting on the edge of my seat here  
AA: dave  
AA: do you like dick  
TG: ...  
AA: do you like to take it up the ass  
AA: are you a homosexual dave  
AA: or possibly a bisexual  
AA: or any variant thereof that involves the male diddly doos  
TG: the male diddly doos  
TG: amazing  
AA: thank you i do try  
AA: but you have yet to answer my question!  
TG:probably because im trying to figure out where the fuck this is coming from  
AA: im curious!  
AA: i mean you dont have to tell me now if you dont want to  
AA: but i will find out eventually  
AA: i have my ways  
TG: man you know how to put a guy on the spot here  
TG: ok   
TG: fine yeah im pan  
AA: 0u0  
AA: 0u0  
AA: 0u0  
TG: aa  
AA: 0U0  
TG: what

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

AA: karkat  
AA: ill leave this for when you wake up

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] sent file chatlog.log --  
\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] sent file chatlogscreenshot.jpeg --

AA: youre welcome 0u0

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

CG: OH MY GOD.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was not anticipating how many ocs i would need to compensate for the fact that i virtually eliminated 11 of the main cast. haha, woops.
> 
> hey guys! been a while, huh? 5, haha, five months. yeah. if you'd like to know the reason for the delay, look [here](http://kanayadasgray.tumblr.com/post/78916997203/hello-i-was-wondering-if-you-were-ever-planning-on), although i've mostly gotten over those issues now! I can't promise that updates will go back to being as regular as before, or that the writing style will be exactly the same as the previous chapters, but i will do my best to smooth out the bumps :)


	14. I'm So Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this isn't actually another chapter; this is me, telling you something very important. im very sorry.

hi. this is me, your author, whittler_of_words. i hate to be That Guy who updates a fic and u get all excited only to find out it's a dud update, but..... a while back i promised that if i wouldn’t be continuing this fic, i would upload my story notes so at least no one would be left hanging, and seeing as how it’s been almost two years since the last time i updated , it’s about time i put this thing to rest for good.

tl;dr: i am not continuing this story.

i no longer feel comfortable writing for a disorder i do not have. also, homestuck as a medium no longer interests me as much as it used to in terms of me creating fanwork for it, which was another nail in this fic’s coffin.

that said, if you’d like to know what was going to happen in this story, here's a general plot summary!

the next chapter was going to reveal that the family of that kid karkat/gamzee beat up decided not to press charges. karkat and dave go out for ice cream to celebrate, because they’re gay. dave shows karkat some of his photos, because he’s gay. they’re both gay. no surprise there.

there was going to be a “dance” held in may; karkat didn’t want to go to the school dance because kanaya wanted to go with rose, vriska kept threatening to crash the entire thing, and karkat himself wanted to go with dave, but karkat wasn’t comfortable going to the school dance like that because he was tired of being Looked at. so he was roped into holding his own sort of dance at his house. shenanigans happen? i never got to planning out the nitty gritty details.

at some point in the story, porrim shows up.

she shows up without warning, which, when karkat sees her, triggers a yet unseen alter into pushing karkat out of control and fronting; this alter is kankri. yep. an explanation copy/pasted straight from my notes:

_THE FELT MAYBE? COMING AFTER JACK’S FAMILY he Disciple and Signless was dad and mum, kankri=brother. Karkat is four years old. Kankri is 15. Kankri comes into his room at night and is all like “hey little brother let’s play a game called hide and seek, why don’t you go hide in that there chest, stay quiet so you don’t get found” and karkat is just like “aw cool a game i’m so gonna beat kanny i’ll show him and it’ll be fun so he will stop crying” so he goes to hide in the chest and he’s just starting to get bored and is thinking about calling out for Kanny who’s in the closet when the door to his room opens. He huddles inside the chest and gets real quiet. He hears footsteps approaching when he hears a door being thrown open, kanny screaming “what do you want who are you why did you hurt them”. Karkat is curious about what’s going on so he cracks open the chest, sees a lady in a green coat and broad black hat (snowman). She doesn’t say anything, just looks him over for a moment and then shoots him._

_The gun has a silencer so it’s not loud at all. Kankri is shot in the head_

this is karkat’s initial trauma that led to him developing DID; all his alters are based off the personalities of kankri’s old friends, and “kankri” too became an alter, who fronted when porrim appeared because seeing her triggered some of karkat’s repressed memories.

aaand that’s basically the gist of it! feel free to ask questions if there are any parts that are unclear, i guess. you can do that either in the comments, or shoot me a message @beforuskanaya on tumblr; whichever works easiest for you.

i'm very sorry to do this. i hope no one is too disappointed..... thank you for sticking with me all this time, and i hope you have a good day!


End file.
